BEGO Funny Status Messages

   Dear clear high heels, Thank you for helping me figure out who's a stripper and who's not.

   Why do the people in front of me at the ATM always seems to be having some sort of damn major financial crisis?

   You're never too old to become younger.

   All successful people have had plans that failed, but none have ever failed to plan.

   A little thumb-dance when you don't know how to reply to a text

   Be with the one who will get your panties wet not your eyes.

   Having a dog as a friend better than having a friend as a dog ....

   Happy Saturday!!! May the only work you do be piecing together last night's drunk texts.

   I have way more eye contact with my computer screen than I do with any humans.

   oh hey Sobriety! no thanks, it's Saturday! Maybe you'll have better luck on Monday...

   Sometimes when your sad, no one cares. Sometimes when you cry, no one sees. Sometimes when you leave no one notices. But fart just one time.

   Men cheat the most, women cheat the best.

   I think I had my zipper down when I slapped my girlfriend at Walmart. I could hear people murmuring,"OMG what a d$ck!"

   I didn't text you just to exercise my fingers, I was expecting a reply back...

   I've never smoked Hookah, but I've been told it tastes exactly like not getting laid.

   I used to have faith in humanity...then I stepped into Wal-Mart.

   Someone needs to uninvent the internet so I can start getting some s$it done.

   Just got a booty call from life, apparently it still wants to keep fu$king me.

   Sorry, I'm really bad at returning calls and texts." = "Um yeah, I just don't want to talk to you."

   Emotionally: I'm done. Mentally: I'm drained. Spiritually: I'm dead. Physically: I smile.