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My parents never allowed violent video games. Just family-friendly board games with questions like, "Who murdered this guy with a pipe?"
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04-29-2015 12:23 by
flinnie
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I don't need to know how to read Chinese to know that your neck tatoo says "I earn minimum wage"
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05-05-2015 13:26
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Happy Mother's Day to the iPad that's raising your child...
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05-10-2015 22:05 by
StonerDudee
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Don't worry, Pope Benedict XVI, I get it. Mondays make me want to quit my job too.
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02-11-2013 08:27
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I gave my 1yo a chocolate covered raisin. she chewed, paused, then gave me a look that told me she will never trust another human being again.
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03-15-2013 20:48 by
snotty
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Every load of laundry that I wash, dry, fold, and put away makes nudists seem less crazy.
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03-19-2013 08:21 by
hihuggiehi
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WebMD needs to add the question “Have you eaten Taco Bell today?” when asking about stomach-related symptoms.
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04-05-2013 20:53 by
BEGO
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My new plan is to ignore my problems until they become hilarious stories.
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04-09-2013 18:35
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I'd like to invite you to stop inviting me to like your page on facebook.
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07-31-2013 18:51 by
snotty
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No matter how many lives you have in Candy Crush, you'll still never get your own back.
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08-13-2013 13:43 by
PostMan
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Ever notice that getting "suspended with pay" seems to only happen in government jobs
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08-20-2013 13:38
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It's Thanksgiving. Don't forget to set your scale forward 45 lbs. ahead.
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11-22-2012 00:11 by
Danmanz
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I can already tell December 21st will be the most annoying day in Facebook history.
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12-12-2012 20:57 by
Gripenfelter
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It's not you.. It's me. And my inability to tolerate you any longer.
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07-26-2012 08:39 by
snotty
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Pandora: *skip* *skip* *skip* *skip* *skip* *skip* runs out of skips.. *changes station*
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08-26-2012 21:51 by
BEGO
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I'm already an idiot, I just need a village
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04-23-2013 08:19 by
snotty
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People Dont even say grace before meals anymore . They just Hold up Their Phones over the Plate , snap a Pic , & Post it on Ins tagram
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09-04-2012 13:41 by
Fadolo
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I just saw a raccoon get hit by a Smart Car. The poor lil fella suffered a sprained ankle.
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09-11-2012 16:13
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I hate those idiots with those bright halogen lights that are blinding, at least they can see my one finger salute
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10-06-2012 11:02 by
Smeebert
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Picking up a tiny piece of paper off the carpet would probably only take me one second... But for some reason I'd rather vacuum over it 100 times, at different angles...
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10-16-2012 17:48 by
Marshall the Great
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