Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon I'm thinking of leaving my body to science. Even scientists need a good laugh now and then.
←Rate | 11-05-2010 19:57 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon embarrassed himself at a funeral today - the shop didn't have any condolence cards left so he just bought a "Hope You'll Be Happy In Your New Home!" one instead.
←Rate | 11-07-2010 01:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells, "You should've been here at 8:30!" The guy replies, "Why? What happened at 8:30?"
←Rate | 11-13-2010 15:46 Comments (1)  


   messageicon A husband asks: Why do you weep and snuffle over a TV program and the imaginary sadness of people you have never met? Wife: For the same reason you scream and yell when a man you don't know makes a touchdown.
←Rate | 11-15-2010 15:41 by Heather25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Stand up for what is right, even if you're standing alone.
←Rate | 11-24-2010 14:04 by CJ Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why do people say "nice to meet you" before I've even said anything? How do you know it's nice to meet me? I'm an a$$hole. It probably isn't.
←Rate | 11-24-2010 20:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.
←Rate | 11-29-2010 08:41 by dunno Comments (0)  


   messageicon going to order a load of bubble wrap just to see what it's delivered in.
←Rate | 12-02-2010 11:39 by freemann Comments (1)  


   messageicon 79% of accidents happen in the home. Finally, good news for the homeless.
←Rate | 12-02-2010 11:51 by mr magoo Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've given up jogging for GOOD! I realized it was hazardous to my health after my thighs rubbed together so much my underwear caught on fire!
←Rate | 12-03-2010 09:30 by Heather25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon #192.168.1.1 I'm only friends with you because you're too stupid to secure your router ;)
←Rate | 12-10-2010 05:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you and your significant other is having an argument, just take all of your clothes off during the spat and stand there. Something is bound to happen.
←Rate | 12-10-2010 16:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wife says to husband: "u make love like you decorate." Husband: "How, very slow and like a professional?" Wife:" Nope, I always have to finish the job myself."
←Rate | 12-18-2010 11:59 by Bijoux Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think it's funny that whoever deleted me from Facebook was so important that I dont know who it is...
←Rate | 01-10-2011 23:33 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon A man's idea of helping with the housework is lifting his legs so you can vacuum...
←Rate | 01-12-2011 07:44 by Mandy Comments (0)  


   messageicon this status has been made from 90% recycled status posts. Just doing my part to keep Facebook Clean and clutter Free.
←Rate | 01-20-2011 21:05 by jason711 Comments (2)  


   messageicon You post constant status updates about what TV show you're watching and what you're eating for dinner. You're not allowed to whine when people get excited for football once a week.
←Rate | 09-15-2010 19:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A bad Walmart greeting just ruins the whole experience.
←Rate | 10-12-2010 00:43 by goodeolboy Comments (0)  


   messageicon wouldn't mind seeing the cast of "Jersey Shore" stuck in a coal mine for a couple of months. No TV cameras allowed.
←Rate | 10-13-2010 20:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I fear the day Facebook decides to inform users of who has viewed their profile...and how many times.
←Rate | 04-14-2010 16:07 Comments (0)  



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