BEGO Funny Status Messages

   A few simple tips: 1. Don't promise when you're happy. 2. Don't reply when you're angry. 3. Don't decide when you're sad.

   For Easter I'm gonna get really drunk and hide a whole bunch of eggs, wake up sober and have an Easter egg hunt with myself!

   Sometimes relationships don't work out because of timing, but most of the time it's because someone is an as$hole.

   I think cops should yell "PICKACHUUUUUUUUUUUUU!" before they taze someone

   Your parents payed your iPhone, MacBook and bought you car? And they're paying for your school? Please, tell me how hard your life is.

   Nobody should regret anything that made them smile.

   When I'm in the shower I let the water run down my arms so it looks like I'm shooting water out of my fingertips

   We can talk to astronauts in space, but we can't get phone reception inside elevators.

   When it comes to kicking someones ass I'm brave but when it comes to telling you how I feel I'm as weak as a toothpic

   When I call my parents, and they don't answer it's no big deal but when they call me and I don't answer it's like World War II.

   To the people who upload full movies to YouTube: Get a life…also, thank you.

   If you take relationship advice from Taco Bell hot sauce packets... Congrats, you have reached rock bottom.

   With all the people on my back, it's a miracle I can even walk.

   Reading your best friend's status and thinking, "Ha! I know exactly who that's about!"

   The more I hear about other people's relationship drama, the happier I am that I'm single. :

   See what happens when you name a hurricane after a man! He won't ask directions, wanders around lost, leaves a mess and doesn't clean up after himself!

   DEAR HATERS, I COULDN'T HELP BUT NOTICE THAT....'awesome' ends with "me"and 'ugly' starts with "u"

   She came to me one night. Explored my body, licked, sucked, swallowed! When satisfied, she damn left & I was hurt!!... stupid mosquito!

   Spent 15 damn minutes looking for my phone in the car last night while using my phone asa a light, yup that high..

   I hate when I miss a call by a few seconds, call the person back and they don`t answer.