BEGO Funny Status Messages

   Skinny= Anorexic Thick= Obese. Virgin= Too good. Non-Virgin= Slut. Friendly= Fake. Quiet= Rude. It seems like you can never please society

   Free samples shouldn't be limited to grocery stores...How can I be sure this Fifth of Scotch is worth the $10 without a quick chug?!?

   You say: "I now pronounce you man and wife". I hear: "FINISH HIM!!" (Mortal Combat music blasting)

   Facebook needs a "Meh" button.

   If you're not in love right now, you're wasting valuable time!

   Some girls are like community colleges... Even if you're not the smartest guy, you probably still get in.

   I don't know why beer companies bother with an expiration date... it's never going to make it anywhere near that.

   Never judge a book by its cover, UNLESS the word Twilight is written on it... then you know it's s$it.

   Got a problem with me? Solve it. Think I'm trippin? Tie my shoes. Can't stand me? Sit back down. Can't face me? Turn around.

   Dear guys wearing skinny jeans, I... Can't.... Breathe.... Sincerely, your damn balls.

   If I've learned anything from listening to world news, it's that the world is full of countries I've never even heard of.

   Sharing a Facebook account with your gf/wife is the best way to let everyone know how whipped you are.

   Boy: "You're like summer." Girl: "Awww hot?" Boy: "Nope, no class."

   Why is Monday still a thing?

   The week seems to go by at the speed of a snail. Unless it's the weekend. Then the snail is driving a Ferrari.

   I heard that Google Searches stay on your hard drive forever...that means my laptop will never be for sale.

   Don't call me " bae " " baby " " babe " or " love " unless I'm the ONLY ONE you're calling that.

   Some people can ruin how attractive they are by doing this weird thing with their mouth... it's called "talking"

   I've always wanted to know how long "forever" was... and by looking at some peoples relationships its around 2 to 4 weeks.

   Pure laziness = when your computer asks you "the file asfslkddjf already exist, would you like to replace it?"