Funny Status Messages

   may the bridges I burn light my way...

   Why is a strike in bowling a good thing, but a strike in baseball is bad? I guess sports really do mirror real life...how you play the game all depends on the size of your balls.

   I drove by a yard sale today. I know this because they had a child standing out front holding a sign that read "Yard Sale". Apparently they couldn't afford a stick.

   I wish these people would stop sending me job offers for 5k a month to sit at my computer at home and work... after I get that check from the nigerian lottery i'm not going to need a job! suckers ;)

   Relationships would be easier if people came with a "Clear History" button.

   The moment you stop giving a damn is the moment things get easier and better.

   Volleyball is just a more intense game of "Don't let the balloon touch the floor"

   Your/You're, Then/Than, To/Two/Too, Who's/Whose, There/Their.... Please learn the difference kids.You're our future.

   Why is there a disclaimer on the Allstate Auto Insurance commericals that says "Not available in all states"?

   When a woman asks me how long I can last in bed I tell her it depends on how long someone brings me food and water but probably years.

   Gas diet: Get your paycheck... fill up your car and you have no money to buy food! Bam...you lose weight!

   The awkward moment when someone deletes their comment on facebook and you look like you're talking to yourself..!!

   I saw a license plate yesterday that said "I Miss New York", so I smashed their window and stole their radio.

   I find it ironic that the Alzheimer's Association is sponsoring an event called "A Night To Remember".

   Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, I'm kicking your ass!

   Just read an article about the stock market, and there were three things in it that I didn't quite understand: Every, single, word.

   Why be difficult, when with a bit of effort, you can be impossible

   I was going to go to the gym and run 7 miles this morning to continue trying to look good but then I remembered I own Photoshop.

   So where are all the "Save the Gulf" concerts? Where are the T.V. Benefits with celebrities and musicians giving heart felt speeches on the poor fisherman, wildlife, beaches, loss of income and sabotaged gulf economy?

   When we were little, why were we so scared of our parents counting to three?