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They have auto-steer and auto-park on new cars, but I would like to see auto-drivemydrunkass homefromthebar.
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05-11-2012 10:25 by
Marshall the Great
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HEY,,, I remember when they had Child Protective Services when I was a kid... And her name was Grandma... Love you Gram !
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05-24-2012 12:00 by
snotty
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They should create an app that makes your cellphone go "ahhhhhh" when you plug it in.
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12-29-2011 09:56 by
BENDER
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When someone is watching you brush your teeth, you brush for longer than you normally do alone
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12-30-2011 12:36
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I love that sound you make when you shut the hell up.
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11-09-2011 01:51
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The uneasy moment when you are having a conversation in your head & you realize you are making faces that go along with the silent conversation.
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11-12-2011 01:22
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If you have a problem with me, text me. If you don't have my number than that means you don't know me well enough to have a problem with me.
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11-13-2011 22:39 by
@OMFG_Rel8able
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The only appropriate time to yell out "I HAVE DIARRHEA!", is when you're playing scrabble. Because it's worth a whole load of points.
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01-11-2011 17:33 by
JeremyCakes
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Its funny how sitting "boy girl boy girl" use to be a punishment...
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04-13-2010 14:47 by
Samir Momin
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Teaching my Son Life-Lessons.... Don't download porn.... Stream it....
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06-15-2009 17:03 by
Peebs
| Tags: Filtered
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My next house will have no kitchen - just vending machines and a large trash can.
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10-22-2010 11:38 by
rll
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I stopped listening somewhere around the third grade.
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11-08-2010 22:23 by
Aaron
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So today I think I'm going to entertain my kids with a good game of duct, duct, tape.
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09-16-2010 09:35 by
kmk4ever
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Do birds get mad when other birds sh*t in the bird bath? "Dude what the hell?! That is NOT okay! There's a car RIGHT THERE!"
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09-18-2010 20:34
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If you're going to call your wifi network "Wireless", at least have the courtesy to make the password "password"
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09-21-2010 15:18
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thinks its time to clean out the handbag, I just put it on the passenger seat of my car and the seat belt light came on!
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10-11-2010 00:04 by
Khadija
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wishes he could delete people in real life as fast as he can his facebook friends.
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02-22-2010 17:02
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When someone says, "Facebook is stupid." what they really mean is "I don't know how to use a computer."
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06-28-2010 17:11
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Uh oh...just saw the little devil from my left shoulder drop kick the little angel off my right shoulder a minute ago...this can't be good.
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08-14-2010 10:03 by
Jeff
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Apparently, I would rather break my teeth or put a hole in my new shirt than locate a pair of scissors to cut the tag off.
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08-20-2010 06:05
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