Open the fridge and there's only one beer left. "Me thinking............who's been drinking my beer's! " Oh never mind......that would be me....dang it!
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11-30-2016 20:07 by GreeneDude
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Years ago, some heckler at a gig I wasm yelled, "Hey, man. If I slept with your wife while you were out at a gig and she got pregnant, would that make us related?" I go, "I don't know, but it'd sure make us even!"
The guy who created the Big Mac has passed away at the age of 98. Michael Delligatti ate at least one Big Mac every week for decades yet lived to be 98. I have one thing to say about this..."KALE, YOU BIG FAT LIAR!!!"
Math tells us of the 3 saddest love stories: Of PARALLEL lines, who were never meant to meet. Of TANGENT lines, who were together once then parted forever. And of ASYMPTOTIC lines, who could only get closer and closer, but could never be together.
When terrorist parents have to use the, "Open wide, here comes the airplane!" technique to feed their babies, do they just smash it in their face and make explosion noises?
I was driving to fast and to furious this morning and had to swerve to miss a tree, only to realize that is was an air-freshner hanging from the rear view mirror
“I love Christmas lights. They remind me of the people who voted for Hillary. They all hang together; half of them don't work, and the ones that do, aren't that bright.