Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   The Michigan fans are worse than the Hillary Clinton's supporters on whining when they lose.

   Ladies, unless you really want to bang me, please stop poking me if you're not going to follow through. . .

   Hey Lady, Please don't blame the Holidays ..... For Pete's Sake ..... You you were Fat in August!!!

   ..... Congratulations Redblacks!!! ...... Wait a minute .... What the heck is a Redblack? ..... Answer: Another Underdog ..... Who just won the Grey Cup!!! ..... OK .... It's the Canadian (People that live north of the US) ..... version of the Superbowl.

   Well, all the leaves are off my trees so I guess I'll have to pee inside from now on...

   What I envy in women is their ability to argue without any valid points whatsoever and still claim victory.

   The Chicken is offended that even after all the jokes, the crossing on the road is still named after a Zebra

   Tried practicing Fruit Ninja in the kitchen, ended up playing Temple Run with my wife chasing me like an Angry Bird

   I'm so straight that I eat my Hotdog from the middle

   Life is full of fake people. Before you decide to judge them, make sure you're not one of them

   If you bought a fruitcake this weekend, you have until March 2035 to eat it.

   Goo Goo Dolls and Lady Gaga should do a side project together and call it Goo Goo Gaga.

   I'm more like Elvis than most Elvis impersonators. I look nothing like him. I dress nothing like him. I sing nothing like him. It's just that women throw their underwear at me. I live in a dryer.

   Nothing puts me into the #Christmas spirit like #shopping. On Dasher, On Dancer, On Prancer, On VISA.

   The Mannaquin Challenge isn't new. Some of you have been standing around doing nothing your whole lives.....

   Childhood is just the ‘free trial’ edition of life. When it ends, you have to pay for the full version or else you’ll lose everything.

   The mannequin challenge was invented when a democrat was offered a job...

   Just put up my three foot Christmas tree, needed my six foot ladder to put the star on

   Chelsea said she had a wonderful time and she thinks she's in love. Hillary said, "You didn't have s-e-x, did you? Chelsea said, "Not according to Dad."

   After Chelsea returned from a date, Hillary asked her if she had a good time. Chelsea said she had a wonderful time and she thinks she's in love. Hillary said, "You didn't have sex, did you? Chelsea said, "Not according to Dad."