Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   If I'm ever arrested..my 1 call will be to the police station to tell them about a bomb scare. No way I'm staying there.

   I know this is short notice, but does anyone have a bear costume I can borrow to scare the people camped outside Best Buy for Black Friday?

   That moment when you go to hit the "Like" button and it turns to a heart and you're like "Whoa whoa whoa, I don't like it that much."

   Shut the F**k up, eat your turkey and just be thankful!

   My great grandfather is gone out drinking. He's celebrating finally paying off his student loan .

   "What do we want?"... "Hearing aids."... "When do we want them?".... "Hearing aids."

   I just got back from a cannibal Thanksgiving get together. ..... I had a ball.

   Oh and BTW, ,, Why haven't Pig Pen's parents been visited by child services yet?

   Hillary Guitar: Shrill tone, difficult to find input jack, available in Benghazi Blood, Millenial Snowflake White, or Jumpsuit Jail Orange finish.

   For all you #single people: Time to start thawing the #Thanksgiving hot dogs

   I just got back from a cannibal Thanksgiving get together. ..... I filled up on redhead again, didn't have room for Blonde tart .

   If you have enough cats you don't even need a blanket.

   "I don't celebrate thanksgiving because it's a story of murder....." well, if this is murder, it sure is delicious......please pass the yams.....

   The relationship between a husband and wife is psychological ..... One is Psycho and the other is Logical!

   I wonder how many Turkeys the President will Pardon this year?

   My first crush was in kindergarten. I instantly knew I was doomed when she colored Neatly and Perfectly inside every line with a smug, superior smile

   I got up this morning and decided to put on my favorite Fat jeans only to realize they have become just another pair of my skinny jeans

   Marriage Is Like A Deck of cards, In the beginning all you need is a Two Hearts and a Diamond, As it Progresses You Wish You Had A Club and A Spade

   With great power comes a great Electricity bill

   They should put bumpers on the roads when women are driving like they do for kids at bowling alleys