Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Hey, look on the bright side America, she might not only be the first woman ever elected prez, she could very well also be the first US prez who is forced be a stay at home wife with an ankle bracelet on. #FeministMilestones

   This Just In: James Comey, died in a car accident tomorrow .....

   It's truly astonishing that a little guy hiding in an Ecuadorean Embassy is doing a heck of a lot more for TRUTH in this Election .... Than the Entire American Press!!!

   Have you ever heard of the Legend of Hillary Rodham Hood? ..... She steals from everybody and keeps for herself.

   Just in: Clinton is now LEADING in polls in important battleground states, such as Qatar, Iraq, Iran, and Syria And hopefully soon... San Quentin.

   The State Department says Comey was WRONG, WRONG, WRONG! Can we say we told you so?!

   At some point you just have to ask yourself if you would hire someone under investigation by the FBI?

   Got a box from amazon with a Hitachi, three kittens, a bottle of whiskey, some xanax, and apartment keys. The card said, "Happy Divorce"

   I'd publish my autobiography but it's just a bunch of wine stained blank pages.

   Spinal Tap: When you're lying in bed facing away from your partner and you feel two taps on your back; the universal signal for, "wanna?"

   9 more days till the beginning of the end.

   To ALL Hillary supporters: You 3 should be ashamed of yourselves

   Got invited to 4 different Halloween parties how am I going to go to all of them you ask?? Easy.... I'm going as Hillary Clinton's emails...that way you won't find me

   Happy Halloweiner Hillary and Huma

   Walmart Cashier: Did you find everything you were looking for?... Me: Well, I couldn't find-..... Cashier: *finger to my lips* Shhh! I don't actually care.

   HA .... The US Attorney General Lynch aka "America's Chief Law Enforcement Officer" ..... Is Pleading the Fifth to avoid disclosing information that may incriminate her ..... Just think about that one for a moment!!!

   I'm so happy these environmentally friendly toilets save at least 3x the water. That’s roughly how many times I need to flush.

   To all of you Hill@ry supporters out there ..... It might be important to note that Wikileaks has NEVER had to retract even a single story for False Information ..... Period. In short ... They are all true.

   The Flubs. 109 and counting

   Halloween is my favorite holiday where you can trespass on a stranger's property and make a non-negotiable demand that includes a threat of vandalism.