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It's pronounced PokeMON. Not PokeMAN, grandpa. You've completely ruined this baptism. 
Nice try, generic Cap'n Crunch, but the roof of my mouth isn't bleeding....
Every story about edible weed: 1) Not high. 2) Not high. 3) Still not high. 4) Not high. 5) Please drive me to the emergency room.
Only been awake for 10 minutes and I'm already missing my fun dream friends.
Props to Jon Bon Jovi for continuing to keep up with the hairstyles of women his age.
What this country needs is more gum control. I'm getting pretty damn tired of sticky wads getting stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
How long can I stay in a voting booth and scream "I'M STILL THINKING!!!!" before I'm physically removed? Let me know by November.
Let's disagree to agree. That's my motto.
I was going to dress as an evil witch for halloween but I didn't want to be mistaken as Hillary
I woke up early this morning with the strange desire to get up and exercise. Fortunately I rolled over and closed my eyes really tight and the feeling went away.
I get a real kick out of people who drive a mile in their car to run a mile on a treadmill.
"When we went to Mexico, he didn't even bring up the "wall" he choked!" -Hillary
I am all for self-inflicted Democrat genocide. That is why I am pro-choice. Do we really want more sniveling liberals?
Hillary whinning that Russian hackers are leaking the truth about her rigging the election................
Ironically, Madonna's offer to Hillary Voters was the same one Amy Schumer made to her producers to get her comedy show in the first place.
Madonna's actual offer, since her affair with A-Rod, is "Free Herpes to everyone who votes for Hillary!"
Hillary's power suit was white ... but you can't call it a white power suit.
After she loses the presidency, maybe on Hillary's next trip to the Middle East someone there will chop her head off. . .
Who won the third Presidential Debate? Well that's easy, anyone who didn't watch it.
FACT CHECK: Hillary Said 90% of Clinton Foundation Donations go to Charity. Actual Number? ONLY 5.7% goes towards actually helping people.
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