Tjshome.com
Funny Status Messages
Submit Status
TJ's Blog
Image Filters
Contact US
Funny Status Messages
|
Recent Comments
|
Submit a Status Message
Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
View All Funny Status Messages
Sort:
Recent
|
Oldest
|
Rating
Trump Filter:
ON
|
OFF
Search Messages:
«Prev
«1
5400
5401
5402
5403
5404
5405
5406
5407
5576
Next»
Page: 5404 of 5576
Not sure who's gonna win this years presidential election, but two people who are going to be my cabinet will be, Jack Daniels and Jim Beam..
5
3
←Rate |
10-15-2016 05:46
Comments (
0
)
My bucket list includes that before I die, I want the job where you push scared skydivers out of planes...
5
1
←Rate |
10-15-2016 05:46
Comments (
0
)
Back in my day, we didn’t have Instagram. We had to bore people in person with photo albums.
9
2
←Rate |
10-15-2016 05:47
Comments (
0
)
I just finished reading “50 shades of Grey” by Sherwin Williams. I don’t see what all the hype is about these paint brochures.
11
3
←Rate |
10-15-2016 05:48
Comments (
0
)
When somebody tells you nothing is impossible, ask him to dribble a football.
8
2
←Rate |
10-15-2016 05:48
Comments (
0
)
You know you're getting old when every time you are near a bathroom you think, "I might as well pee while I'm here"
11
2
←Rate |
10-15-2016 05:49
Comments (
0
)
Somewhere, a smart Lasik surgeon has an office full of brochures that are all slightly out of focus.
9
2
←Rate |
10-15-2016 05:49
Comments (
0
)
My wife says I talk in my sleep, but nobody at work has ever mentioned it..
9
2
←Rate |
10-15-2016 05:50
Comments (
0
)
When I was young, I grabbed them by their pony tail......
5
4
←Rate |
10-15-2016 07:04
Comments (
0
)
Apparently calling your wife, who thinks you're at work, while you're standing outside the living room window and asking "have you seen any clowns outside" isn't very funny.
1
2
←Rate |
10-15-2016 10:07
Comments (
0
)
For all of you conspiracy theorists out there, We finally have Absolute Proof Osama Bin Laden is dead. Yesterday he registered to vote Democrat!!!
31
8
←Rate |
10-15-2016 10:37
Comments (
0
)
I want to go see "The Girl On The Train" and my wife wants to see "Sully" So we compromised and are going to see "Sully"
6
2
←Rate |
10-15-2016 14:37
Comments (
0
)
Im so broke I have black boy in Africa sponsoring me.
29
7
←Rate |
10-15-2016 15:00 by
michael hall
Comments (
0
)
Omg! I just hit a woman on my bike. Just kidding.. I don't ride in the kitchen!
11
3
←Rate |
10-15-2016 15:01 by
michael hall
Comments (
0
)
If you’re prepared to spend 1/3 of your day wiping goo that could’ve been secreted by a Xenomorph or a child, parenting is for you.
2
1
←Rate |
10-15-2016 21:27
Comments (
0
)
This lasagna recipe has been handed down in my family for generations in the hopes that someone would eventually make it.
10
2
←Rate |
10-15-2016 21:28
Comments (
0
)
Never leave the house without chili ingredients & tap shoes. I'm always ready for impromptu dance-offs or cook-offs.
4
4
←Rate |
10-15-2016 21:29
Comments (
0
)
Always pass on the tea and crumpets; I'm more of an arsenic and absinthe kind of girl.
2
2
←Rate |
10-15-2016 21:29
Comments (
0
)
No one told me how much of parenting would be spent standing in my kitchen holding a trombone while naked children run past.
2
3
←Rate |
10-15-2016 21:31
Comments (
0
)
Sure it's nice to let your kids be independent, but sometimes it's also nice to not have ketchup all over your kitchen.
1
3
←Rate |
10-15-2016 21:32
Comments (
0
)
«Prev
«1
5400
5401
5402
5403
5404
5405
5406
5407
5576
Next»
Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:
X says
X is
X was
X has
X
...
characters left
Read the Rules
Site Links
Home
Funny Status Messages
Status Message Generator
TJ's Blog
About Tjshome
Contact Us
Privacy
© 1999 - 2021 Tjshome.com