Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   with 60% of the precincts reporting. "U. R. Stilscrewed" looks to be the winner in the Senate, with "Ben Dover" holding a slim lead for Congress.

   This is what I spent all those years learning my ABDs for?

   I have been working in a mirror factory for years now. It's what I've always seen myself doing.

   Women should have three breasts - two in front and one in the back for dancing.

   ELECTION DAY UPDATE: I just had some pizza and a soda.

   Its all fun and games until the k9 unit shows up and tell you to pop open the trunk. I wish I was never born

   thinks instead of Jerry Springer using a Boxing Bell; he should just tie Cow Bells around all the Heifer's Necks....

   just looked at Yahoo! Trending Now: Brett Favre and Britney Spears right next to each other. Uh-oh. This could get out of hand in a hurry...

   planning to do something today, but I haven't finished doing nothing from yesterday. Maybe I should be a politician..

   They don't surprise the winner of the Retirement Home's Man of the year anymore.... That's how they lost last year's winner

   I must be some kind of food magician because every time I bite into a hard shelled taco I instantly have a hand full of nacho's.

   There is no place like home unless you are homeless...

   It's really hard raising a child by yourself, I don't know how my T.V. does it.

   For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free. Here's an update for you: Now days, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.

   does not understand why people say "if I won the lottery, I would still work"....im 100% sure I could find better things to do...especially when I'm rich

   Just ran into my ex at the store. He has a wonderful new girlfriend now. Much better than I ever was. So I told him I had half a sandwich in my car and did she want those leftovers, too.

   Beware of Alphabet Grenades. If you throw them, it could spell disaster.

   convinced they gave a day pass to the people in the old folks home so they could work the polls today.

   Does anyone else find it ironic that election day is on Dia de los Muertos? What a conundrum.

   Eskimo: "If I did not know about God and sin, would I go to hell?" Priest: "No, not if you did not know." Eskimo: "Then why did you tell me?"