Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I plan to open a pancake house in Japan called Japancakes.

   You know your ugly when you have more pictures of your family then yourself ' Haha

   next time my name is in your mouth I hope you choke on it ass =)

   realized that if no one can reach you.....you never have to waste time returning phone calls.

   If you want proof that one person can make a difference, punch a stranger in the face.

   If I ever get summoned for jury duty, I plan on appearing in the courtroom in a puff of smoke and yelling, "WHO SUMMONED ME?"

   Life is like a box of chocolates...I don't think so! Mine is more like a box of hand grenades...pull the wrong pin and everything goes flying!

   Whenever I get a message that begins with "Hey Stranger" I know I'm about to be asked for a favor by someone I don't want to help.

   I'm afraid people can see me through my web cam even though its off.

   I don't know if my liver or heart hurts more during a break up...

   I wish relationships were more like cell phone plans - "Free nights and weekends."

   Maybe things would improve if we shipped Congress's jobs overseas too.

   Okay, so you Republicans taking office, we all expect a complete economic turnaround in less than two years. Got it?

   Just once I would like the pilot to say "Hey gang, who here wants to just keep flying and see where we end up?"

   All I wanna do is have my mind erased

   It isn't until all's been said and done that you actually realize all you should have said and done.

   I love asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up... cause, you know... I'm still looking for ideas.

   Every guy thinks catching the girl he loves is an amazing accomplishment. Actually, catching the girl is the easy part, keeping her is the real damn accomplishment.

   So many things remind me of You, mostly when I sit on the toilet.

   the font smaller, or am I on acid??