Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   If Hillary is elected I'm moving to Benghazi .... I'm pretty sure she will ignore me there ...

   Democrats and Liberalism are both Mental Disorders... deal with them accordingly.

   You know when you get the shivers when you pee?.. That's because you just peed out a ghost.

   Plot twist: The very hungry catepillar does NOT turn into a butterfly but a crying emotional mess who has to go one size up in her jeans.

   Nothing says, "I have a lot of free time," more than someone eating a pomegranate.

   I have heard "I can't believe you're still alive" more times than I'm comfortable with.

   Just so you know, you will be asked to leave the funeral if you do a drum solo on the coffin....no matter how epic it is.

   Just outsmarted by a revolving door but sure, I'll be your baby's godmother.

   People who say "only God can judge me" don't know how Twitter trolls work.

   I'd rather watch a murderous horror flick than your wedding video.

   "I bet Lionel Richie was easy every damn day..." And other thoughts that keep me awake at night.

   I think it's wrong that only one company makes the board game "Monopoly."

   Legally only qualifies as a hootenanny if it takes place in Kentucky or West Virginia.

   Plan a romantic evening but instead of rose petals sprinkle a path of grated cheese to the bedroom.

   You want to seduce me? Try a little Wicked Game by Chris Isaak.

   Only recently found out that those fold out tables in the men's restrooms are for changing babies and not for napping.

   Please remember that daylight savings is in one month so you can complain about it on Facebook.

   Surprised Kim didn't snapchat the whole Rob thing....:P

   Too old for snapchat and too young for Life Alert.

   Welcome to Twitter if you are not already following a mom who drinks wine, one will be assigned to you....