Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   My whole family is lactose intolerant and when we take pictures we can't say cheese.

   Trying to eat healthier. Anyone know how many beers I have to drink to get all my daily vitamins?

   .... Don't do Crime .... Don't resist Arrest ..... Follow the Officers orders .... Won't get Shot!

   .... I remember way back when parents and schools made it a point to teach kids how to behave around cops ... and hardly anybody got shot by police ....... Boy were we weird.

   Must be hard playing Wheel of Fortune in Canada when everybody is constantly saying "A"

   .... OK ... Let me get this straight ... The best way to honor a poor dude who got shot by cops is smash store windows to get your new Flat Screens and new iPhone 7's .... Did I get this correct?

   Those who can't, teach. Those who can't teach offer unwanted advice in related Facebook groups all day.

   Did you know 4.8 billion people own mobile phones whereas only 4.2 billion own a toothbrush.

   Who decided that the phrase should be “I’m getting dressed” instead of the more masculine “I’m getting trousered”?

   Angelina Jolie has had her breasts removed, her ovaries removed, her Fallopian tubes removed....and a large Pitt.

   My wife is not buying that autocorrect changed “You’re psychic” to “You’re psycho.”

   Sometimes I worry my wife will exclaim "let's go vegan!" and I'll have to sneak out in the middle of the night and take the kids with me.

   To the Mayor of North Carolina: Corey Feldman could clear the streets with one song.

   North Korea only has 28 websites. Even worse, the list includes MySpace & 27 Kim Jong-un fan pages.

   The flight attendant said put on my mask first before helping others. No problem. The guy next to me is shoeless so I want him dead.

   Facebook suggested I join a Skeeball league. That's something where it'd be sad if you were already good. "Yep, I hang out in mall arcades a lot."

   Chris Hansen walks out at the end of Willy Wonka and starts asking questions about luring children with candy.

   ... Rule #1: The Police Officer is ALWAYS Right. ..... Rule #2: If the Police Officer is ever Wrong, refer to Rule #1

   A little song,,, a little dance,,, a little seltzer, down your pants. ....

   My father taught me that Respect was something that had to be earned ..... So I'm still trying to figure out how looting and burning other peoples stuff is supposed to build respect for your cause.