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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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Marriage is essentially peeing with the door open and asking "What do you want for dinner?"
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09-15-2016 02:19
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It turns out Hillary didn't have pneumonia after all. She just downloaded iOS 10.
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09-15-2016 02:21
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If my extension cord ever gets tangled with my ear buds and Christmas lights, I’m really screwed.
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09-15-2016 02:25
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When deaf kids sign curse words, do their parents threaten to wash their hands off with soap?
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09-15-2016 02:26
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Hate when the same commercial plays twice in a row because for a split second I feel like I finally figured out how to go back in time.
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09-15-2016 02:27
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Bladderrash Counterhatch in the streets. Benedict Cumberbatch in the sheets. You don't get it? Me neither. I just want him in my sheets.
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09-15-2016 02:28
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When I told you to be more spontaneous, I meant combustion.
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09-15-2016 02:29
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Your dog, who rolls in carrion, rubs her muzzle in my hair. Oddly, I do not mind this, but am reconsidering my choice of conditioner.
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09-15-2016 02:30
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I trust myself less than I trust bed bugs to do the right thing.
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09-15-2016 02:31
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In hindsight life was better when we could only take 12, 24 or 36 pictures at a time and we paid to print them. Even if doubles WERE free.
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09-15-2016 02:34
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The Love Boat was my favorite 80's TV show about senior citizens infecting each other with STD's on the open seas.
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09-15-2016 02:35
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According to state law, the other people waiting at the DMV are required to have a bad smell.
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09-15-2016 02:36
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If you don't think of Tupac every time you down a Cranapple Snapple, then.... WTF ever, homie.
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09-15-2016 02:40
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It's great to have pancakes on a special occasion. But I think it might have been better not to put syrup on before I blew out the candles.
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09-15-2016 02:41
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it just me or does different shoes come with different movement/walk ?
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09-15-2016 04:24
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Whenever you think your job sucks, remember; at least you're not the guy at Instagram whose work is to search for and delete all the Nude pics
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09-15-2016 04:28
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I show my coffeemaker the same love and affection you show your soul mate. And mine doesn't talk back.
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09-15-2016 06:38
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Winnie Mandela is 80 and still looks fresh and beautiful than most of you 20yr old girls.
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09-15-2016 06:40
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Women are natural born artists …….. From drawing eyebrows to drawing conclusions .
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09-15-2016 11:35 by
thejoke.cafe
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My girlfriend was complaining that I never buy her flowers. I didn’t even know she sold them.
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09-15-2016 11:35 by
thejoke.cafe
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