Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   It's not a family vacation until someone threatens to throw a prized possession from a moving vehicle.

   Hey Hillary supporters, Your here illeagly so you wont be getting a chance to vote.

   instead of hands up don't shoot,how about pull your pants up don't loot....

   Hillary says if elected, along with your government cheese, you will also get a cheese grater. #MakeAmericaGrateAgain

   I bet jellyfish are sad that there are no peanut butter fish........ *and yes,, I was around alot of people smoking pot today so....

   [medusa's hotel maid, sighing and pulling a wad of snakes out of the shower drain]

   Unfortunate Cookies™ are like fortune cookies, except each one contains one of my epic puns...

   Oh,,, Life's all fun and games till you get the first lemon.

   Hey, Happy Birthday! Pick one - the past or the future. Cause I didnt get you a present.

   Damn, I was gonna get you a birthday gift but the stores were still open.

   Hey,, Has anyone tried giving ISIS a snickers bar?

   She said she liked the new guy at work, so I had him fired...!

   Sometimes when life closes one door it opens another, because apparently life is trying to air condition the whole damned neighborhood.

   .... To show how generous Hillary and Bill re ..... Even though they only made $139 Million in income .... They generously donated $1,042,000 to charities! ...... $1,000,000 of which was donated to .... "The Clinton Foundation." Yup ... Very generous!

   I really dont want to spend the next 4 years picturing Bill and Hillary lying in bed swaping hand jobs

   .... Hey Hillary supporters, Your here illeagly so you wont be getting a chance to vote..... Well .... Unless she is sooooo Absolutely corrupt .... Then you will!!!!.

   I think I'll feel much better once I beat someone to death.

   This might as well be CNN or FOX NEWS

   I once tried to force-feed my oldest son. After a while, my wife said, “Just use a fcuk*ng spoon, You’re not a Jedi.”

   If you've considered robbing Ryan Lochte,,,, now would be the perfect time.