Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I'd imagine Ryan Lochte's next move will be the backstroke.

   You know you're a dude when at least once you've been in the shower and used your washcloth to clean your shower tiles.

   All I want is someone to hug me with the same loving ferocity that Danny Trejo hugged Carmen and Juni with in Spy Kids

   Ryan Lochte and his teammates lied about being robbed in Rio, but let’s see how much damage will be done to their careers.

   I know it’s 3 meals a day, but how many should I eat at night?

   I’m going to start telling girls that I’m available for a limited time only in hopes that their shopping instinct kicks in.

   If someone’s going to ruin things; it might as well be me.

   I didn't even know I liked water polo until I saw the women's uniforms. :P

   Ryan Lochte is now claiming he was chased by Usain Bolt but managed to get away.

   There was no robbery in Rio??? What do you call $10,800 in restitution for a broken bathroom door and a sign of a sandwich?

   I know 5 people who are clinically insane , I'm 2 of them

   I feel sorry for the robbers who were wrongfully accused by Ryan Lochte. #justiceforharambe

   I've time traveled almost an infinite number of times to stop myself from eating too much pizza, but every time,, future me just joins past me in eating it*

   FYI: A swordfish has few predators to worry about in the wild- save for the seldom-seen penfish,,, which is said to "talk alot of smack",, be even mightier than they are.

   Gone with the Wind in 60 Seconds #2FilmsBecome1

   Few things are more disconcerting than a damp hand towel.

   I credit my dad for my sense of humor..... Oh,. She's funny, too?.......... Ummm,,No......

   Pro tip: No matter how many times your baby asks, don't give them Indian food...

   Its funny how no one is bringing up the fat lazy Americans...probably because we are stomping the world at the Olympics AGAIN.....

   My girlfriend asked me to make her feel special, so I bought her a coloring book and crayons .