Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   .... Hey .... On a positive note .... We DID go 224 years without having a president this terrible!

   me: "I WISH I NEVER HAD TO SEE ANOTHER FACEBOOK POST ABOUT THE ICE BUCKET CHALLENGE!!"......... election: WATCH THIS

   .. Turns out it's true that Malia Obama was smoking a joint .... But so what? .... What's the big deal ... Her father does it too.

   Todays Olympic sport - Ping Pong. Up next - Wii Bowling

   shhh, please, shhh

   According to Facebook, Jaden Smith has committed suicide 11 times in the last week.

   This presidential election is class warfare -- that is, a war between those who paid attention in class and those who did not.

   Can I ask for prayers please? I'm about to write a check.

   Facebook has taught me people don't get most jokes unless you put them over a picture and call it a meme.

   When my printer jams, I do what any logical male would do; I go buy a new printer.

   I don't care, therefore I am happy.

   No offense but I wanna set you on fire.

   One time I told a rival dad that the air pressure looked low in one of his tires right in front of a group of people.

   I may not be able to swim fast but I did just arrange these onion rings to look like olympic rings.

   Settle down homemade play dough parents.

   Grew up in the south so for me a fancy restaurant was a place that offered you the choice of biscuit or cornbread.

   When women watch Bachelor in Paradise it's like the television equivalent of microwaving fish.

   Just said some pretty harsh things about this gymnast falling off the uneven bars considering I've fallen out of my bed before.

   Haven't been to war, but I've been to a water park where "fun" is climbing rope ladders barefoot while buckets of water are dumped on you.

   Wake up America. If a place tries to put potatoes in your burrito, you are getting robbed on meat.