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.... Do you think ISIS cares about Pathetic Hashtags, Prayers or ... Candles? Wake up Earth!! They care not about you .... 
.... In a world collapsing ..... What do YOU prefer? ...... Comforting LIES .... Or .... Unpleasant TRUTHS?
Science....because the answer never turned out to be magic. Ever.
Females don't want much from you except your time, attention, space, food, shirts, fun, bed covers, genitals, passwords, credit cards, life and soul.
A birth certificate is basically a baby receipt.
Legend says when you can't sleep it's because you are awake in someone else's dreams....when I find out who you are I'm going to punch you right in the face.
Well aren't you just a fun little pretty lollipop triple dipped in psycho....
Get lost in nature during a hike and you will definitely not find yourself, more like you could quite possibly die....
Always Put This On Your Online Dating Profile: My hobbies include taking LSD and rescuing stray dogs.
You think the world is conflicted now? Wait until we discover a new inhabitable planet and then try to figure which races and religions to take there.
I've noticed that when you remove the vowels from "female" you get FML.
Notice to all you "bar star" chicks out there....STD'S aren't Pokemon, you don't have to catch them all!!
Political posts on facebook actually makes me miss Farmville requests and pictures of cats and dogs :)
Pokemon Go is already more popular than Tinder, another app where you swipe to find monsters in your area.
How many points do I get if I hit a Pokemon Go player with my car?
I keep a glass of water on the nightstand in case I want to get up in the middle of the night and spill something.
Even Clint Eastwood's chair is refusing to appear at the Republican National Convention.
The closest I get to reading a book is the synopsis of a movie I'm about to watch.
Trick friends into believing you went on a tropical vacation by having your hair braided.
It's not polluting if the bottles you throw out of the car window into the lake have a note inside of them.
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