Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon I'm like your virginity, Once i'm gone, you ain't getting me back.
←Rate | 10-07-2011 08:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon That inopportune moment when you notice the "For a good time call" # on the bathroom wall is your girlfriend's cell #.
←Rate | 04-11-2011 08:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ahhhh My Facebook wall filled with pics of new lap tops, cellphones, cameras and countless trips to the tattoo parlor. There is either a sale at Walmart or its Tax time in America!
←Rate | 02-10-2012 14:56 by Reznor Comments (0)  


   messageicon <~~When I die I don't want to be in a casket at the Funeral Home..I want them to prop me up sitting in the front row just to mess with people as they walk in ;)
←Rate | 02-24-2012 00:58 by Mark A. Comments (0)  


   messageicon The more you know, the less you need to say.
←Rate | 02-26-2012 11:33 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon Trying to be less negative but it'll never work.
←Rate | 06-10-2012 18:48 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon When someone offers me constructive criticism, it's clear they've mistaken me for someone else.
←Rate | 06-11-2012 20:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't worry about what people think. They don't do it that often.
←Rate | 06-20-2012 10:00 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon I thought 4 cups of coffee might make me feel less stabby but it just made me want to stab faster and more accurately
←Rate | 06-23-2012 09:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hostage or not, sometimes it's just nice to be held.
←Rate | 06-24-2012 13:10 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon The more “normal” you try to be, the less interesting people like myself will find you.
←Rate | 06-30-2012 12:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Panties are just overpriced wrapping paper.
←Rate | 07-01-2012 14:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know what's really great about being a narcissist? Me.
←Rate | 07-01-2012 20:28 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not really a social drinker. I'd say most of my drinking is work related.
←Rate | 07-12-2012 13:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Stop obsessing about sex. Relax, and breathe slowly. Breathe in. Breathe out. In... and out... in and out... IN AND OUT! IN AND OUT! FASTER!
←Rate | 03-06-2012 19:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have a horrible sleeping disorder where I have to wake up every morning and go to work.
←Rate | 03-25-2012 08:48 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wish me luck... I'm off to contest library fines, on the grounds that I'm an "exceedingly slow" reader.
←Rate | 03-27-2012 17:10 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I didnt win the mega millions. But if you did I LOVE YOU!
←Rate | 03-31-2012 14:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I sit for 5 minutes laughing at my own tweet.. Then read it to my wife who looks at me in confusion...
←Rate | 04-05-2012 18:36 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon [ ] single. [ ] taken. [X] I get about as much attention as a white crayon."
←Rate | 05-11-2012 21:22 by BEGO Comments (0)  



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