Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Apparently answering "Dust!!" when your partner asked what's on the TV wasn't the correct answer.

   Oh no, Ben Affleck is now trending, what superhero did he get cast for now?

   The Law & Order dun dun is what men hear when we're asked if we remember what today is.

   Sitting by the dock of the....OMG look how good my reflection looks in the water.

   A Ticketmaster settlement means free event tickets. Most popular: Charlie Sheen reads from the phone book & The Orange Man Group.

   I almost just choked on a kale chip and all I could think was that this never happens with Cinnabons.

   If life were a romantic comedy I would be the guy on a date with the girl when the male lead makes his grand gesture that wins her back.

   Remember when WWE finally came out and admitted that everything was staged and that it was entertainment... and how crushing it was for people who still thought it was real?... I'm awaiting politicians to make the same announcement...

   Dear U.S. Representatives. Next time, instead of a "sit in", threaten a "SH*T IN". Let's see how they like them apples.

   FYI: I'm only interested in women ages 19 to 102. If your not in this age range please dont message me!!! Thnx

   Marriage advice: If you can't play a simple board game without arguing, don't even attempt assembling IKEA furniture together.

   I'm scared some kid is going to break into my house and fleek me to death with a bae

   Don't worry inbox, I'm empty too.

   Some Warning Labels are a little stupid, like on my Deodorant it says, "Avoid Contact with Eyes"....TOO LATE, I've already seen it!!!

   Popeyes favorite tool never rusted because he kept sticking it in Olive Oil.

   Spider-Man in the streets, the Hobgoblin in the sheets.

   *Slices up lemons right in front of life*

   I'm going to spread this all over your moist cupcake. ~ Baker sext

   The lawsuit against Starbucks for underfilling coffee drinks is the new definition of first world problems.

   "Is you house baby-proof?" Yes, I threw like 7 babies at it and the house didn't break.