Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Banana peel, coffee grounds, pizza crust, beer bottles, empty tins, paper plates, sales papers. Don't mind me I'm just talking trash.

   Excuse me miss, you've got a little bit of face on your makeup.

   Had Chinese Food last night & my fortune cookie read, "Be not afraid to walk through the door of opportunity"; so I left the restaurant without paying.

   “Try to fathom the hypocrisy of a Government that requires every citizen to prove they are insured... but not prove they are a citizen.”

   A fun thing to do today when we leave the Zoo, will be to start frantically running and yelling "OMG they've all escaped!"

   Laughter is always the best medicine... unless you have diarrhea.

   Firetrucks & ambulances would be much more effective if they were to replace that annoying siren with the song "Move" by Ludacris!

   I use the men's restroom even though I'm a woman because I identify with waiting on a shorter line.

   When you find your kid grooving to Nickelback....it's time to have that talk.

   I’m always frank with my sexual partners. Don’t want them knowing my real name.

   I rub shampoo in my eyes every morning to prepare for the pain of the day.

   Gonna strap a snowblower on my car roof and start driving south. When someone asks me what it is, that’s where I’m gonna live.

   You know you are pissed off when Eminem starts to make sense.

   Sometimes I think I’m too picky. Then I watch my dog look for a place to poop.

   With all the technology available now, you’d think they’d have found a way to grow apples without those little stickers.

   Always give your dog a middle name, so he/she knows when they're really in trouble.

   I always thought my adult life would include more impromptu sing-alongs.

   You say mystery bruise, I say you're going to enjoy prison for a very long time.

   A “Tap Out” sticker on your mini van still makes it a mini van.

   The older I get the more I understand Squidward’s anger.