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If you think husbands aren't good listeners, whisper "Come here, I'm naked" from anywhere in the house and see what happens.
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04-17-2015 07:52
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People are worried about global warming and social security when the real crisis is that we aren't far from eldery drivers knowing how to text.
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05-01-2015 13:35
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How come MOM'S and dad's only get one day and Sharks get a whole week??
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05-15-2015 15:14
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I didn't watch the Letterman finale because I've missed the last 17 season and didn't think I'd understand what was going on.
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05-21-2015 08:24
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Screw it, just add another blade." -Gillette marketing concepts.
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05-22-2015 13:00
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I've finally decided to do something about my weight. Lie.
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03-04-2015 09:55 by
andrew jackson
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My exercise tape is just various clips of me driving past the gym.
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04-13-2015 13:00 by
huck
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Fun game for parents: Scream in horror the first time your child loses a tooth.
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04-28-2015 13:56 by
andrew jackson
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Sorry kids, no wifi this month, our loser neighbor didn't pay his bill.
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05-01-2015 13:35
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Somebody tell mayweather he is supposed to hug his wife and punch the guy in the ring, not the other way around
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05-03-2015 08:03
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I got a job as a store greeter. But apparently "You again?" wasn't the greeting they had in mind.
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05-09-2015 16:26 by
andrew jackson
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One of my greatest joys is watching a kid bite into a salt n' vinegar chip for the very first time.
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03-17-2014 08:19 by
snotty
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Your check a$$hole light is on.
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03-17-2014 14:06
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Why do people who insult themselves get mad when you agree with them?
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04-23-2014 05:29 by
andrew jackson
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I hate it when chicks wear pink camo.I'm like, "girl" where you hiding? Candyland?
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04-30-2014 17:18
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I want to know what horrific ideas were rejected before they decided "Vagisil" was the best possible brand name?
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05-12-2014 15:19 by
JEBI
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I'm pretty sure the New Jersey state bird is just a middle finger.
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05-20-2014 22:05
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I've never liked FIFA either. They take way too much out of my paycheck.
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06-02-2015 07:09
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I'm the Rain Man of knowing exactly how many fries you stole while I went to get napkins.
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07-05-2015 19:22 by
andrew jackson
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When considering joining a site offering secret infidelity but requires you register with a name/photo, a good alternative is to not do that
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07-20-2015 15:36 by
Nipper
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