Funny Status Messages

   while it's true that skinny girls freeze to death faster in the winter, it is also true that fat girls die alone.

   If you insist on telling me about the day your child was born, then I insist you also tell me about the night it was conceived.

   At the end of the day its just ME...not YOU or YOUR feelings!

   I went to the lundromat where there was a sign that read: "Remove clothes immediatley when the buzzer rings!" Needless to say my astonishment when A: I realize I'm the only one in the place naked and B:I was getting tossed out by management!

   Every obese person needs a shirt that says "I beat Anorexia"

   Just had the seating-plan through for Gerry Rafferty's funeral. Clowns to the left, jokers to the right.:

   For an old white guy the colonel makes some good ass chicken.

   A guy walks into a psychiatrist's office wrapped in nothing but saran wrap. The psychiatrist says, "I clearly see you're nuts."

   thinking that church that is going to protest that 9 yr old death in az is a bunch of fruit cakes. and hope they all burn in hell

   My advice for the day: If you have a headache, do what it says on the Advil bottle: Take two, and KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN.

   There is a chemical in weed called "F**k it" ---- guess that explains my attitude.

   Some people measure success by the position one has mastered in life....mines doggy....

   Today I connected all the freckles on my a$$ it's spells out MAMBO#5.. Clearly I am The Chosen One...

   thinks that the older I get , the more young people look the same...That, or Justin Bieber just delivered my nespaper.

   Wish life could be simple like the good ol' days. Like page 756!

   I cheated on my fears, broke up with my doubts, got engaged to my faith and now I'm marrying my dreams.

   Shhhhhhhhhhh, you had me at "open bar" :-)

   Jordan says, "I'm devastated, Alex has left a gaping hole in my life." Come off it Katie that's been there since your early teens!

   I want to shoot and eat a lion. Not for his meat. But for his powers.

   i want to be a bird so dat I can poop anywhere and on anyone I want