Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   *accidentally taxidermies the wrong end of a lion... * "What a catasstrophy!"

   This just in... Kanye West is still alive. Meanwhile we continue to lose really talented artists...

   FYI: if you order a mcflurry 8 days in a row,, that's called a "McTurbo"... and they have to let you see the shed where they keep grimace

   Not a good day for one name celebrities. Someone keep an eye on Bono, Madonna & Cher.

   I learned something from Prince. To aim as high as one possibly can when writing songs. That's why I never made it big. I never aimed high enough. I wrote a song called Little Red Chevette.

   In celebration of Earth Day, I went outside and stared at the ground for a little while.

   It’s the 40th Earth Day, which is bad news for Earth. Once you get in your forties, your equator expands, your poles start to melt — soon you’ll look as bad as Uranus.

   Happy Pretending We Know What We Can & Can't Recycle Day!

   They should put Harriet Tubman on the EBT card instead

   ..... In celebration of Earth Day, I took my dog outside and let her fertilize the ground ...

   Now that there will be a woman on the $20 bill does that mean it will be worth less than the ones with men on them?

   Happy Earth Day everyone. Suck it, Mars!

   ZOOKEEPER: As you all know, one of the penguins has somehow gone missing & we need to find it.. ME: *nervously* it's finders keepers tho,,, right?

   I got a membership to Sam's Club and my name isn't even Sam... *lol,, These guys are idiots.

   It was the best of times, it was the worst of times... So, After doing the math, the times were pretty much average.

   Each of my teardrop tattoos represent french fries I dropped between my car's seats.

   "Huh?" -Vincent Van Gogh................. "What?" -Ludwig von Beethoven

   If Prince can kick Kim Kardashian off the stage I should be able to kick her and all Kardashian nonsense off my Facebook feed.

   ♫♪♫ If you're happy and you know it's your meds ♫♪♫

   I learned something about Prince, that doves actually cry. Hmmmm.