Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   The pollen is so bad this year that the people in the trailer parks are turning their crystal meth back into Sudafed.

   If I ever own a race horse I'll name it "My Face Baby" then when fans cheer for it they'll scream "COME ON MY FACE BABY"....

   More than 2 million New Zealanders voted in the ballot to decide whether to keep the British Union Jack on their flag or replace it with a silver fern. They voted to keep the British Union Flag. Why can't we have a calm Presidential election in America?

   If money was grown on trees,women would be dating monkeys!

   Flight attendant who allegedly left cocaine at LAX arrested in NYC, well let's all be fair she knows how to get high in the skies....

   Congrats Tu Youyou on winning the Nobel Peace Prize in Medicine. And also for being the most confusing person to sing Happy Birthday to.....

   What do we tell Jesus when he comes back to earth and finds out we call the day of his death Good Friday? He be all like ... WTF?

   the "check engine" light came on. I checked & the car definitely has one. It makes loud noises & drips some stuff all over the place so I know it's there

   Sarah Palin as a TV court judge, that'll be a laugh a minute cuz she doesn't have a law degree.

   I am putting a vending machine on my porch this Halloween. Sorry kids, I have bills to pay....

   Forget about Prince Charming ladies, always go for the wolf. He can see you better, hear you better, and eat you better.

   Surprise sex is awesome to wake up to. Unless you are in prison....

   Marry someone with a great personality. Looks fade away but boredom doesn't.

   Monica Lewinsky is 42, how fast they grow up. It seems like only yesterday she was crawling on the White House floor and putting everything in her mouth.

   I hate it when I'm in a long line up and suddenly lose my will to live.

   In the spirit of spring cleaning and Easter, I've decided to keep the dust bunnies as decorations.

   I so want a restraining order on everyone who doesn't wear deodorant.

   But have you tried Googling first before sharing these fake posts?

   When I get a headache I take two aspirin and keep away from children just like the bottle says.:)

   "OK. Anyone who wants in the picture get on this side of the table." -Jesus at the Last Supper