Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I put mirrors on the ceiling because I like to see how I look when I'm eating pizza alone.

   A nap is a nap if you take your pants off.

   I'm beginning to think my type is just a font. . .

   Boobs don't define a woman, but they start the bidding.

   Survival Tip: if your wife cooks up "a mess of bacon" and puts it in the fridge, she has a plan. Do not make yourself an epic sandwich.

   Leonardo.....Fk yaaaa....atlast.......congratzz

   Shoutout to this ATM fee for making me buy my own money

   the good news is the doctor says I'm healthy as a horse, the bad news is she still uses large farm animals to describe me....

   I'm so happy Leonardo finally got an award, he was such a brilliant inventor and painter.

   I have to recharge my phone so often that I basically have a landline again.

   I'd like to give a shout out to those people born in 1932 who are celebrating their 21st birthday today!

   *Leonardo Dicapreo goes up to accept oscar* *pulls out speech* *blows dust off of it* Yes I'd like to thank the directors of titanic for th-

   I have a great idea for improving Coldplay concerts. Stop the show halfway through and feature a 15 minute football game.

   It's time to do what I do best... *cracks a beer*

   Lesser men would have given up after twenty years of outrageous fame and fortune, but Leo persevered, and now he has a small trophy.

   I went to see the doctor today for my annual check-up. The good news is he says I'm healthy as a horse. The bad news is that he keeps using large farm animals to describe me.

   Once upon a time there were three little pigs at a pig roast, end of story. . .

   I'm tired of forced interactions and unnecessary communications, just saying!

   We got an extra day this year. Why did it have to be a Monday?

   So far in this election cycle,,, If Aliens ARE watching us,, it's safe to say they think we are retarded.