Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I've spent 83.2% of my adult life resetting my password.

   The amount of memes that relate to my life is becoming increasingly embarrassing.

   What's my type? Someone who's supportive. Someone who comforts me when I need them. Someone I can curl up and relax with. Oh great, I'm describing my bed again.

   Dear liver, the weekend is almost over, hang in there little one. Love you.

   Sundays: Kinda wanna workout, kinda wanna eat loaded cheese fries, kinda wanna nap for five days, kinda wanna get my life together by 2:39 pm on Thursday.

   Who wants to babysit for the Duggars' and the Romney's at the same time?

   My life goal is to buy white jeans and spill grape juice on them.

   Get chased down by 83 angry wasps or replacing your toilet paper with steel wool. You choose your awesome Sunday adventure....

   Why the f*ck you buy your kid an 18+ video game and then blame the video game industry for the content?

   My only trick for looking younger, is when an 80's song comes on I try to look completely confused and slightly disgusted.

   Everybody always asked the wrong question "Where's Waldo?" The real question is why is Waldo hiding?!?! Was it for Child Support?? Kidnapping?? Murder??

   If you hold down the "Like" button, you can now leave different kinds of reactions and create so much more drama in people's lives who take Facebook too seriously....

   Why the hell should I have to opt out of something I never opted in? Why should I have to unsubscribe from something I never subscribed to in the first place. This is how serial killers are born.

   An estimated 26.2 percent of Americans suffer from a diagnosable mental disorder. This figure translates to 57.7 million people. When they count Hillary's votes and they total 57.7 million don't say that I didn't call that...

   If a girl pulls out a knife on you during a fight, pull out some bread & mayo. Her woman instincts will kick in & she'll make you a sandwich

   If Nutella & marshmallow fluff made sweet sweet love & had a baby,,, I would eat that baby.. The End.

   Ummm,,, So when you see a gift horse... Where exactly should you be looking???

   What does a grape say when it gets stepped on?...Nothing, it just lets out a little wine.

   When a girl says she cares more about what's inside a guy she means what's inside his wallet...

   After seeing Stephanie, I see why it's called "Fuller House"!