Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon somedays my inner child kinda runs the place
←Rate | 12-23-2015 20:00 by flipphonescott Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're atheist so don't celebrate Christmas
←Rate | 12-23-2015 21:06 Comments (1)  


   messageicon I celebrate Hanukkah instead it's much more chill and we don't have any silly stuff
←Rate | 12-23-2015 21:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thank You Santa for helping make Christianity less believable than it already was
←Rate | 12-23-2015 21:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Watching and playing video games is probably my favorite holiday thing.
←Rate | 12-23-2015 21:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon All I want for Christmas is lots of bubble wrap
←Rate | 12-23-2015 21:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Midnight mass? I'll pass thanks. More Porto please...
←Rate | 12-23-2015 21:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon So is Mary already in labour? How long did she take? And was this God-bloke excited? Smoking at her "stable side"?
←Rate | 12-23-2015 21:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Enough with the pro-Xmas vs con-Xmas: IT IS FESTIVUS!
←Rate | 12-23-2015 21:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just had a WTF moment when Adele stoped singing and immediately turned into Mrs. Doubtfire. I also just learned that she has a potty mouth, and I like it!
←Rate | 12-23-2015 21:31 by John Y Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every man is the master of his own destiny. You are your own god or devil. Your soul belongs to only you.
←Rate | 12-23-2015 23:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever I see people lined up outside a club on Friday night, I just think “look at all these poor people who don’t know Netflix exists.”
←Rate | 12-23-2015 23:45 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I could have a superpower, it would be the ability to watch people work out and absorb the benefits for myself.
←Rate | 12-23-2015 23:45 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I think of all the money I’ve spent on booze in my life, I wish I had it all back. Imagine all the booze I could buy!
←Rate | 12-23-2015 23:47 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon My gf won’t get the remote that’s in the other room, but if my wallet was at the bottom of an ocean she’d be shopping already.
←Rate | 12-23-2015 23:51 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nothing says “friend zone” quite like a woman saying “you’re like a brother to me.” Unless you’re from Alabama.
←Rate | 12-24-2015 00:02 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon As uncomfortable as silence immediately after sex.
←Rate | 12-24-2015 07:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Last time I got dumped I went to some random funeral to cry my heart out.
←Rate | 12-24-2015 09:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Spice things up during family dinners this holiday season by slamming your wine glass down and demanding "What do you people want from me!?"
←Rate | 12-24-2015 09:23 by Nipper Comments (0)  


   messageicon My ornaments are starting to droop. Yeah, time to ask Santa for new underwear.
←Rate | 12-24-2015 15:36 by svaldez187 Comments (0)  



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