Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Sometimes I wake up grumpy, other times I let my girlfriend sleep.

   Taylor Swift doesn't necessarily need 10 Grammy awards, when we have starving artists like Kanye West.

   Morning erections: Your body's way of saying "Battery charged 100% -- Unplug and play."

   Take it from me: Don't try to redeem those "Free Blow Job" coupons after you divorce.

   It's weird to think that before Facebook and social media all these dumb thoughts stayed in people's heads = But that's none of my business.

   American Word Of The Day: Hoochie. My girl found another girl's number in my phone and yelled, "Tell me hoochie is, before I stab you!"

   Marijuana: It's not just for Hippies anymore!

   My son asked me what it is like to be married, so I deleted all the music on his iPod except for 1 song.

   Seatbelts are very important, unless you are driving a huge school bus filled with children.

   Everyone complains about the weather, but no one wants to sacrifice a virgin to change it.

   Everytime this post is liked, Kanye West gets kicked in the genitals.

   Bernie wii now feel the burn.

   By the time this is over Sanders won't know wheather to wind his watch or get a job.

   "Superdelagates" might as well be available on Stubhub.

   My performance with my wife last night was amazing. I lasted like 45 minutes!... Then I finally gave in and admitted she was right.

   .... You are entitled to NOTHING .... If you want something ..... Go out and EARN IT!!!!

   Five Things I Like Almost As Much As Driving My Boat: 1. Looking at my boat. 2. Talking about my boat. 3. Movies and TV shows with boats. 4. Websites with boats. 5. Bacon.

   Mornings were made for sleeping, wild sex, and bacon.

   Fathers: If you daughter asks you to carry her pink backpack and purse, you carry it....

   Sometimes poeple want to have full conversations in the morning, and it's ok to kill those people.