Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon You can't fight Destiny. Because if you try to fight Destiny, then you have to fight the bouncers and the rest of the strippers too
←Rate | 11-23-2015 13:17 Comments (0)  

   messageicon This guy at the gym just did four sets of selfies.
←Rate | 11-23-2015 13:18 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If a man speaks in the forest and no women hears him, is he still wrong?
←Rate | 11-23-2015 14:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Facebook Murphy's Law: Profile photo with two women. It's never the attractive one's timeline.
←Rate | 11-23-2015 15:19 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon I went to the pub last night, had a shot and saw this really fat chick dancing on the table. I said to her "Nice legs." The girl giggled and said with a smile "Do you really think so?" I said "Definitely, most tables would have collapsed by now."
←Rate | 11-23-2015 15:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Went to the gym this morning and was amazed by this one chicks extreme workout . She must of done at least 5- 6 reps of selfies .
←Rate | 11-23-2015 15:28 Comments (0)  

   messageicon ever have a large lunch and go up a cup size?
←Rate | 11-23-2015 17:37 by flipphonescott Comments (0)  

   messageicon Adele's new album should come with a coupon for Ben & Jerry's.
←Rate | 11-23-2015 18:24 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon So if tears are just weakness leaving your body, what's diarrhea?
←Rate | 11-23-2015 18:38 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon When a raccoon stands up and cracks his knuckles, stop shaving him immediately.
←Rate | 11-24-2015 01:06 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A newly wed guy asked me about marriage. I told him it's sort of like a museum. You have to be quiet and you can't really touch anything.
←Rate | 11-24-2015 01:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Anyone know how I can become an illegal alien? They've got some really good benefits.
←Rate | 11-24-2015 07:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I went to Google today.... Are the Obamas going on vacation again?
←Rate | 11-24-2015 09:42 by McCain Comments (0)  

   messageicon Vladimir Putin Is going to have Turkey for Thanksgiving for sure
←Rate | 11-24-2015 10:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon What if stupidity was passed on in the womb and it had something to do with the am idiotic fluid.
←Rate | 11-24-2015 12:02 by @gathukimundu Comments (0)  

   messageicon In mother Russia, Turkey shoots you for Thanksgiving
←Rate | 11-24-2015 12:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Not only is there no god, but try getting a plumber on weekends. — Woody Allen
←Rate | 11-24-2015 13:18 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Out on the highway, getting passed by a Prius is the football equivalent of getting tackled by the kicker.
←Rate | 11-24-2015 14:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon pɹɐʍʞɐ sᴉ sᴉɥ┴
←Rate | 11-24-2015 14:45 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I hate the word friendzone! "Especially when I'm out with a woman who tells me that she loves me like a brother!......Unless she's from Alabama or West Kentucky of course.
←Rate | 11-24-2015 15:34 Comments (0)  

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