Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon I enjoy long romantic scrolls on my phone.
←Rate | 11-27-2015 08:11 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon Ummmm, yes,,, I need to return this Taylor Swift calendar.. After 4 dates, it fell apart and wrote a vicious song about me.
←Rate | 11-27-2015 08:34 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon One hell of a Tuba lesson today. I nailed it.... [Anne Franks last diary entry]
←Rate | 11-27-2015 08:36 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Why do you wanna work at Clickbait Enterprises?"... Here's 10 reasons why I should get the job... "OK"... Number 7 will shock you..."You're hired"
←Rate | 11-27-2015 08:43 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon (1620).. We Indians will bury the hatchet and teach you to farm...*Pilgrims huddle* It's a ruse,, this soil looks awful for growing hatchets.
←Rate | 11-27-2015 08:45 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon Can't figure out if my Granddad is defusing a bomb or trying to answer his cell phone. It's tense!.. "The green one Gampy,, not the Red one!"
←Rate | 11-27-2015 11:13 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon All this time I thought Adele was singing about Aloe.
←Rate | 11-27-2015 11:14 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon Wife: do you think I'm fat?”... Me: Moooooo.... * Hmmmm,,, My phones Autocorrect is trying to kill me.
←Rate | 11-27-2015 11:18 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sorry Can't....I'm Writing "Dora The" on every Ford Explorer in this mall parking lot.
←Rate | 11-27-2015 11:22 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon When you have a mouthful of turkey and someone says "Let us pray."
←Rate | 11-27-2015 12:27 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Black Friday: That day we spend hundreds of dollars on material goods to celebrate the birth of a man who didn't believe in material goods.
←Rate | 11-27-2015 12:28 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I've heard enough of this Black Friday crap. The sooner we realize that all Fridays matter the better off we'll be as a society.
←Rate | 11-27-2015 13:28 by John Y Comments (0)  

   messageicon *walks into the liquor store* What kind of black Friday deals yall got going on?
←Rate | 11-27-2015 14:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Thanksgiving is that one special day where an innocent man on Death Row gets to turn on the TV and watch the President pardon a Turkey. 454 retweets 986 likes
←Rate | 11-27-2015 14:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon She enjoys long romantic scrolls on her phone. But still claims to be in touch with reality.
←Rate | 11-27-2015 14:24 by @ryanmilano Comments (0)  

   messageicon When terrorists parents have to use the, "Open wide, here comes the airplane!" technique, do they just smash it in their face and make explosion noises?
←Rate | 11-27-2015 17:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon What do you call a group of epileptics in a bowl? Seizure Salad!
←Rate | 11-27-2015 17:39 Comments (2)  

   messageicon I would throw all Dallas Cowboys fans a complement but Luke Kuechly would intercept that too.
←Rate | 11-27-2015 18:01 Comments (0)  

   messageicon So... how many broken bones and broken nails have ya got on Black Friday? Are you satisfied with your brand new TV that you saved 20 bucks on?
←Rate | 11-27-2015 19:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I saw a video today of people going crazy in Walmart grabbing stuff. I thought it was a black Friday thing. It was just the video of people protesting in Ferguson
←Rate | 11-27-2015 19:37 Comments (0)  

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