Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon Do you ever just look at your dog & get jealous because all they do is sleep, play, and eat....their biggest worry is when they are eating next.
←Rate | 02-14-2016 03:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bernie Sanders found my Mom's iPhone and keeps Facetiming me saying he's going to pay for my college.
←Rate | 02-14-2016 03:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate when people say "I'm 24 and still eat mac n cheese"....Homie, there is no age limit to enjoy some quality elbow macaroni and fake powder cheese.
←Rate | 02-14-2016 03:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Subway: Satisfy your Valentine with a footlong.
←Rate | 02-14-2016 03:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Valentines Day: Remember, there is no problem a few dollars & the strip club can't solve.
←Rate | 02-14-2016 03:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Loves the Alerts app on my phone, it says: "OVER BUDGET....This month you spent $1,049.00 on Alcohol & Bars. This exceeds your budget of $20.00 by $1,029.00".
←Rate | 02-14-2016 03:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A sign outside a Frat house: You honk we drink!!!
←Rate | 02-14-2016 03:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Valentines Day: Condoms are also awesome picnic supplies.
←Rate | 02-14-2016 03:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't you just want to write on some people's Facebook wall, "You peaked in high school."
←Rate | 02-14-2016 03:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only thing worse than it raining after you wash your car is having to poop as soon as you get out of the shower.
←Rate | 02-14-2016 03:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Quick, someone take one for the team and fall in love with me. Happy Valentine's Day.
←Rate | 02-14-2016 03:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Liking your own status on Facebook is like high-fiving yourself in public.
←Rate | 02-14-2016 03:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Facebook needs to make a "Slap you in the face with a dictionary" button.
←Rate | 02-14-2016 03:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The love between a man and a woman acts like a mousetrap to lure a man towards a woman enticing him like a pure cheese, but is secretly tied with a trap.
←Rate | 02-14-2016 04:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have a midget friend. He's epileptic and makes pizzas for a living. I call him "Little Seizures." I'm going to h3ll.
←Rate | 02-14-2016 08:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife doesn't like the way I eat, drink, sniff, dress, breath, laugh or cook, but according to this Valentines card she gave me I am perfect in every way.
←Rate | 02-14-2016 09:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Who cares if Peyton Manning stuck his privates in a girls face in 1996? He was 19. Even the Pope probably did sheet like that when he was 19.
←Rate | 02-14-2016 10:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon To Those Who Are Single. Have A Happy Go F#ck Yourself Day. . .
←Rate | 02-14-2016 10:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon “I've dissected our earlier conversation and I think I might be mad at you.” - WOMEN
←Rate | 02-14-2016 11:52 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The woman in front of me at Kroger had a box of wine, a flower arrangement, some cat treats and two packages of batteries. Is it wrong for me to assume that she is single and treating herself to a day in?
←Rate | 02-14-2016 13:46 by John Y Comments (0)  



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