Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon The thing about a woman's smile is not knowing if she's simply happy, or because she can't wait to burn your clothes for replying "k" to her heartfelt text message.
←Rate | 11-18-2015 13:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Me: I'm lonely Vodka: hey
←Rate | 11-18-2015 13:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Millions of years ago dinosaurs ruled the earth but like all great empires they were eventually brought down by religious fanatics
←Rate | 11-18-2015 14:01 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The brownies I started making in my Easy Bake Oven in 1987 are ready if you guys want one.
←Rate | 11-18-2015 17:43 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon I seriously doubt Dire Straits are still getting their chicks for free.
←Rate | 11-18-2015 17:46 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon With all the negativity on the internet lately its nice to Charlie Sheen is positive...
←Rate | 11-18-2015 17:51 by JEBI Comments (0)  

   messageicon My4FavoriteThings: 1) Long walks on the beach... 2) Long walks back to the car.. 3) Long walks on the beach looking for car keys.. 4) Long waits for AAA
←Rate | 11-18-2015 18:26 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon Most of the time my life is going great, the other times I am just sober.
←Rate | 11-18-2015 19:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon So. . . If ISIS is contained, like obama says, why can't the refugees all go home?
←Rate | 11-18-2015 19:52 Comments (2)  

   messageicon Adulthood is looking both ways before you cross the street then getting hit by an airplane.
←Rate | 11-18-2015 20:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon *discretely cancels date with Charlie Sheen*
←Rate | 11-19-2015 01:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Luke, I am your father." - Darth Vader, after Luke won the lottery.
←Rate | 11-19-2015 07:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I think that a lot of conflict that happened in the Wild West could've been avoided had architects in those days just made their towns big enough for everyone.
←Rate | 11-19-2015 08:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Refusing to accept refugees is not cold and heartless. I lock my doors every night; not because I hate the people on the outside but because I love the people on the inside.
←Rate | 11-19-2015 08:45 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The deep freeze of winter has finally arrived. It's that time of year when most women and Bruce Jenner say thank God for padded bras.
←Rate | 11-19-2015 10:08 by @AQuintinSmith Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you lived in Mountain View CA you wouldn't need the internet you can just stop by Google and ask them questions in person.
←Rate | 11-19-2015 10:12 by @AQuintinSmith Comments (0)  

   messageicon Life is about what you do after the knock happens.
←Rate | 11-19-2015 10:14 by @AQuintinSmith Comments (0)  

   messageicon dont know who this lady ISIS is but she must be one crazy B ****
←Rate | 11-19-2015 10:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Jared fogle got 15 1/2 years in prison. Ironically, that's the same age he likes his woman.
←Rate | 11-19-2015 14:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Any female singer not named Adele shouldn't spend a lot of time writing her Grammy acceptance speech...
←Rate | 11-19-2015 16:10 Comments (0)  

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