Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon 65% of parenting is figuring out what the heck your kid is pointing at and then acknowledging it before he melts down.
←Rate | 12-07-2015 10:19 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Mothers: Please don't tell your little girls "He's only mean because he likes you" and then wonder why they grow up and marry A-holes.
←Rate | 12-07-2015 11:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon No one answers their phones anymore... If I ever get arrested, I don't want a damn phone call, I want a facebook posting.
←Rate | 12-07-2015 12:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you're tucking your kids in at night, read them a few select Facebook statuses, kiss them on the forehead and whisper "This is why we must stay in school."..
←Rate | 12-07-2015 12:33 Comments (3)  


   messageicon One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a little sister to play with." Santa Clause wrote him back, "Sure, send me your mom and wait about 9 months."
←Rate | 12-07-2015 12:33 by The Atheist Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't like to make plans too far in advance because then the word "premeditated" gets thrown around in the courtroom.
←Rate | 12-07-2015 15:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Kim and Kanye name their newborn son Saint West because it will take a miracle for him to turn out normal.
←Rate | 12-07-2015 16:17 by CrackY Comments (0)  


   messageicon If Bruce Jenner can keep his weiner and be considered a woman, I can keep my guns and be considered unarmed.
←Rate | 12-07-2015 17:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
←Rate | 12-07-2015 17:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why did the semen cross the road ? Cause I wore the wrong socks today ...
←Rate | 12-07-2015 18:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You don't alwayds have a Plan, Sometimes you just got to have balls
←Rate | 12-07-2015 18:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You don't always need a plan Bro, Sometimes you just need Balls . Harden the f*ck up
←Rate | 12-07-2015 18:21 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Seriously, fucktards. Zuckerburg isn't giving anyone 4.5 mill. You're just embarrassing yourself.
←Rate | 12-08-2015 00:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't look now, but your Secret Santa is watching you!
←Rate | 12-08-2015 04:37 by Val Comments (0)  


   messageicon How many Syrian refugees will be let in before you are beheaded?
←Rate | 12-08-2015 04:38 by Val Comments (0)  


   messageicon Have you asked yourself "Why is it that the "most transparent administration in history" can't tell you where it's hiding the Syrian refugees and Illegals it's sending around the country?
←Rate | 12-08-2015 04:42 by Val Comments (0)  


   messageicon Math Quiz: 200,000 Syrian refugees x 10% estimated terrorists = how many ISIS terrorists? According to Obama's math education program, the answer is Zero
←Rate | 12-08-2015 04:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Winning the NFC East this year is like getting a participation trophy.
←Rate | 12-08-2015 04:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just ordered a Life Alert bracelet so if I ever get a life I'll be notified immediately.
←Rate | 12-08-2015 05:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you watch Cinderella backwards its about a woman who learns her place.
←Rate | 12-08-2015 06:41 Comments (0)  



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