Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon Facebook allows me to reconnect with my old musician friends. I'm surprised at how many of them wound up living the American dream. They married women with steady incomes.
←Rate | 11-17-2015 12:47 by Mickey Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sometimes I can hear the toaster in the other room asking to have a bath with me
←Rate | 11-17-2015 12:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon There are those that I would like to take a shower with, those that I wouldn't, and those that I'd like to see take a shower with my toaster.
←Rate | 11-17-2015 13:55 Comments (1)  

   messageicon No, I don't have a bathrobe. I'm not some billionaire.
←Rate | 11-17-2015 14:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Trillions of stars. Billions of galaxies. So many civilizations. But you’ll never explore one. You’re stuck here on earth hearing about these damn religion wars
←Rate | 11-17-2015 15:09 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just sitting here and realized that the old Bob Seger song 'Fire down below" is not about contracting an STD. Bummer
←Rate | 11-17-2015 18:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why do the boned salmon fillets cost more than the regular salmon? Does the fish taste better after someone has sex with it?
←Rate | 11-17-2015 18:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Every person on the bus thinks they have the coolest style for pulling the stop cord. Chill people, you are just pulling a frickin' cord. Plus, my way is way cooler.
←Rate | 11-17-2015 18:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If someone tells you they don't like bacon, you should just stop talking to them. No one needs that kind of negativity in their lives.
←Rate | 11-17-2015 20:03 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I see that Charlie Sheen's planning a humanitarian trip to Syria. He says he wants to show them what a real disaster looks like.
←Rate | 11-17-2015 21:17 Comments (0)  

   messageicon No matter your sexual preferences, your skin color, your religious belief, your origin, if I see you drowning in a lake I will do my best to rescue you at the risk of being hooked and dragged at the bottom in the process. That's what humans are for.
←Rate | 11-18-2015 00:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon No matter how long a 'civilization' has existed, there just is no way to bring class to the classless.
←Rate | 11-18-2015 07:23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Did the widows and Orphans get government funded sexchanges to look like 6 foot bodybuilders?
←Rate | 11-18-2015 11:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The Definition Of Toilets: The one and only thing Obama is qualified to do, is clean toilets. . .
←Rate | 11-18-2015 11:29 by JAB Comments (0)  

   messageicon After spending years trying to find a good therapist, I can now recommend a great one. His name is Captain Morgan.
←Rate | 11-18-2015 12:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The term 'Islamophobia' is as silly as 'Naziphobia'. Phobia means irrational fear, my fear of Islam is not irrational- -Anna Doe
←Rate | 11-18-2015 12:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I didn't realize the AIDS epidemic was so bad, they say one in every two and a half men have it
←Rate | 11-18-2015 13:05 by Yaj Comments (1)  

   messageicon The only time I believe in luck is when a married man has sex.
←Rate | 11-18-2015 13:29 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  

   messageicon We should start all over again and accept only people who know the difference between ''your'' and ''you're''.
←Rate | 11-18-2015 13:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Maybe Adele is singing about her cats. You don’t know.
←Rate | 11-18-2015 13:34 by Czovczov Comments (0)  

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