Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon Hmmmm,,, "I've never been on a blind date before," I proclaimed while being jostled around in an unmarked van with a thick cloth hood over my head.
←Rate | 11-12-2015 16:56 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon Son: Do I sleep on my stomach or back?... Me: Your back, that way youre ready to fight if the monsters attack... Son: WAIT ??,,What? .... ME: Night son
←Rate | 11-12-2015 17:00 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm not interested in anything that requires 5 hours of energy
←Rate | 11-12-2015 17:16 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I look forward to paying off all my debt so I can get back to just being broke
←Rate | 11-12-2015 17:16 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Farts are like children. I'm proud of mine and disgusted by yours.
←Rate | 11-12-2015 17:17 Comments (0)  

   messageicon *I cycle off mt Rushmore and fall to my death, but my bicycle gets stuck on the end of Lincolns nose and makes a perfect pair of reading glasses*
←Rate | 11-12-2015 17:26 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon Tonight's Jets/Bills football uniforms resemble my Starbucks cup.
←Rate | 11-12-2015 21:02 by JC Comments (0)  

   messageicon I have come to the conclusion that all women are bipolar. Thats the only sensible explanation.
←Rate | 11-12-2015 23:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon “This mattress looks nice…” “Feel free to test it out, sir.” *curls up on mattress and cries for 10 minutes* “I’ll take it.”
←Rate | 11-12-2015 23:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I think this midget prostitute is really selling herself short.
←Rate | 11-13-2015 00:08 by Psycho Comments (0)  

   messageicon The number of special requests in your order is directly proportionate to how many times the cook drags his balls across your plate. Enjoy!
←Rate | 11-13-2015 00:10 by Psycho Comments (0)  

   messageicon My life is spent trying to get people to give me the silent treatment.
←Rate | 11-13-2015 00:17 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I thought my life was miserable until I saw yours.
←Rate | 11-13-2015 00:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Gf: are you crying right now? Me: *hides Adele's new album* what? hell no. Real men don't cry babe.
←Rate | 11-13-2015 01:18 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You can't fight Destiny. Because if you try to fight destiny then you have to fight the bouncers and the rest of the strippers too.
←Rate | 11-13-2015 01:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon There are too many functionally illiterate people in the world.
←Rate | 11-13-2015 02:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why don't we wait for life on other planets to find us? Why do we have to do all the work?
←Rate | 11-13-2015 03:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon White Privilege is how Willy Nelson got his assets seized for owing $15 million and Al Sharpton visits the White House while owing $19 MIllion... OH WAIT!
←Rate | 11-13-2015 08:06 by Keith Comments (0)  

   messageicon The best way to deal with dumb people is to never leave your house sober
←Rate | 11-13-2015 11:29 by Czovczov Comments (0)  

   messageicon I wonder if Wil E Coyote ever painted a vagina on a rock and tried to screw it.
←Rate | 11-13-2015 15:32 Comments (0)  

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