Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon Back in the day 8 bullets couldn't kill a brotha ... Now it takes 16... #thanks50cents
←Rate | 12-10-2015 23:44 Comments (1)  

   messageicon I'm just looking for a little love and financial domination. Is that too much to ask?
←Rate | 12-11-2015 01:16 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Relationship status: wakes up next to an empty bottle of vodka.
←Rate | 12-11-2015 11:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon POF should change its name to POS
←Rate | 12-11-2015 16:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My GPS says "Estimated time of Arrival." I see "Time to Beat." Game on.
←Rate | 12-12-2015 05:27 Comments (0)  

   messageicon What you never hear if you live in Santa Clarita.."I'll be back in a few minutes"
←Rate | 12-12-2015 11:11 by Teri Comments (0)  

   messageicon Marry a woman who can cook. Anyone can scr3w but a good cook is hard to find.
←Rate | 12-12-2015 15:54 Comments (3)  

   messageicon i'm so unlucky,,, if I fell in a bucket of t!t'$ ,,,, i'd come out sucking my thumb!
←Rate | 12-12-2015 19:03 by PDP Comments (0)  

   messageicon Don't ever Under any circumstance Call me by my Government name in public.
←Rate | 12-12-2015 20:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Fun party hosting tip: Put dozens of extra coats on the bed. When guests ask where everyone else is, laugh maniacally & change the subject.
←Rate | 12-13-2015 19:13 by unknown comic Comments (1)  

   messageicon Crap. Got another Canadian quarter in change. But I’m a clever one; now it’s the Salvation Army’s problem.
←Rate | 12-13-2015 19:19 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why is maple syrup so expensive?.. It grows on trees doesn't it?
←Rate | 12-13-2015 19:21 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just once, I want someone to look at me and say,, “That’s him, He’s the one”...And not follow it with, “Who ate cake out of the garbage”
←Rate | 12-13-2015 19:30 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon The most frustrating thing I've ever tried to do was throw away a trash can.
←Rate | 12-13-2015 19:44 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon If a clown farts, does it smell funny?
←Rate | 12-14-2015 08:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Haven't heard much from Clinton lately...she's trying hard to think of something truthful she may have said and trying to build a pathetic campaign around it.
←Rate | 12-14-2015 10:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon *my finger on her lips* sshhhh, I just told you what I think, don't ruin the moment by saying what you think too.
←Rate | 12-14-2015 12:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm a pretty funny guy I'm told, But I went on a date with a woman the other night, she did NOT like by Bill Cosby Impersonation .
←Rate | 12-14-2015 16:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I can't wait for self driving cars to come out so I can finally say ; Go home car I'm drunk
←Rate | 12-14-2015 16:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I farted today and 4 people turned around. I felt like I was on The Voice!
←Rate | 12-14-2015 20:04 by Yerrrr Comments (0)  

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