Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon My day starts just like any normal guy. I wake up, drink raw eggs, run around Philadelphia, and punch raw slabs of meat.
←Rate | 12-09-2015 14:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Cop: buzz driving IS drunk driving... Swarm of bees in driver seat: this is bullcrap.
←Rate | 12-09-2015 22:46 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon Squirrel 1: Got directions to across the road?.. Squirrel 2: go left, straight, left, right, right again,back, then just friggin run.... Squirrel 1: nice
←Rate | 12-09-2015 22:50 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon God didn’t make all men equal, Samuel Colt did.
←Rate | 12-09-2015 23:06 Comments (0)  

   messageicon FYI: When you graduate from vegetarian to vegan you are legally required to put a racing stripe on your Prius
←Rate | 12-09-2015 23:09 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon The dumbing down of the human species. We are going backwards in intellect with every new social media app.
←Rate | 12-09-2015 23:26 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Wonder how much longer humans will continue playing make believe?
←Rate | 12-09-2015 23:38 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Every Christmas I give my co-workers a card with a picture of my middle finger inside.
←Rate | 12-10-2015 00:28 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Guns don't kill people. Husbands that come home early do
←Rate | 12-10-2015 08:11 by cpaman Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just saw a lady texting while driving. Do women have any idea how dangerous that is for the rest of us? Not the texting part, just them driving in general.
←Rate | 12-10-2015 10:01 by Wasabi Comments (0)  

   messageicon I would not even buy my worst enemy a selfie stick for christmas present. I am not that cold.
←Rate | 12-10-2015 10:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Nothing says I hate you like giving someone a selfie stick as a birthday present.
←Rate | 12-10-2015 10:41 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Have as much sex as possible while you're still single. You can abstain when you get married.
←Rate | 12-10-2015 10:43 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Hey kids, know what's harder than graduating from college? Busting your a$$ for $hit wages the rest of your life...
←Rate | 12-10-2015 11:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Kanye and Kim's kid will be 1/2 huge a$$, and 1/2 huge a$$.
←Rate | 12-10-2015 12:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The "Reply All" button should be password protected...and you should have to answer a simple math question...and be required to name the Vice President. There...THAT should solve THAT problem.
←Rate | 12-10-2015 13:41 by BoiseBoy Comments (1)  

   messageicon Someone needs to invent a filter that blocks ALL content if it contains certain words: my three words would be: Kardashian, candidate, Bieber.
←Rate | 12-10-2015 13:41 Comments (1)  

   messageicon When people ask why do I NEED a 30-round magazine for my gun, I say "Why did Rosa Parks NEED to sit at the front of the bus?" Because she had a right to do so. That's why.
←Rate | 12-10-2015 16:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Women are always right...even the left handed ones.
←Rate | 12-10-2015 17:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just landed my dream job of "before" picture!!!
←Rate | 12-10-2015 17:28 by Steve OH Comments (0)  

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