Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon What's that called when out of the blue she asks you to squeeze her cantaloupes in the grocery?
←Rate | 10-17-2015 13:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I flashed my full set of teeth at Walmart earlier this morning & I'm still here signing autographs and posing for pictures
←Rate | 10-17-2015 14:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Women keep saying they aren't looking for casual sex. That's no problem. I'll wear and jacket and tie and it can be formal.
←Rate | 10-18-2015 02:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Decaffeinated coffee is like a hooker who only wants to cuddle.
←Rate | 10-18-2015 12:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Baseball was made for kids, and grown-ups only screw it up. ~Bob Lemon
←Rate | 10-18-2015 23:09 by Zinc Comments (0)  


   messageicon "You want proof that baseball players are smarter than football players? How often do you see a baseball team penalized for too many men on the field?" ~Jim Bouton
←Rate | 10-18-2015 23:14 by Zinc Comments (0)  


   messageicon If we would've had 'Do Not Eat' labels on paint cans from the beginning, we wouldn't have all of these Bernie Sanders supporters. #SorryUSA
←Rate | 10-19-2015 00:40 by @truebeachbabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon N.A.S.A. found water on Mars. Good thing they didn't find oil otherwise Mars might become the first terrorist planet.
←Rate | 10-19-2015 08:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you gonna tell me what to do, you should pay me for it. I dont do nothing for free.
←Rate | 10-19-2015 11:55 Comments (1)  


   messageicon A serial killer, that only targets couples in matching outfits.
←Rate | 10-19-2015 14:12 by Psycho Comments (0)  


   messageicon i hate when girls on tinder say "not looking for hook ups just friendships!" yeah and I'm on pornhub to see if the plumber is gonna fix the sink
←Rate | 10-19-2015 17:47 by @1_Jack_Jacko Comments (1)  


   messageicon See where Pistorius is released after one year to house arrest...wonder is he has to wear an ankle braclet.....
←Rate | 10-19-2015 18:10 by Big D Comments (0)  


   messageicon We are compensating for Global Warming by leaving the caps on plastic bottles...
←Rate | 10-19-2015 18:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Before you decide to spend the rest of your life with somebody, watch them load a dishwasher.
←Rate | 10-19-2015 20:58 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Son: Dad, what's a hypocrite?.... Me: It's when an idiot wants to change the name of a football team while putting Aunt Jemima syrup on waffles.
←Rate | 10-19-2015 21:20 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon "And what kind of cheese do you want on that?".. My mom: "All of it?"
←Rate | 10-19-2015 21:31 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wow ........ turns out, any Room is a Panic Room .......... when you've had 5 Cups of Coffee and a Bran Muffin!
←Rate | 10-19-2015 22:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon WELCOME TO THE DARK SIDE ......... WE HAVE ...... well, I'm not sure WHAT we have actually ....... it is Very Dark in here.
←Rate | 10-19-2015 22:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was driving Home when I saw a Hitch Hiker holding a sign that said, "Heaven Bound." .......... Me being the Good Samaritan that I am, drove completely out of my way ......... To hit Him ......... I'm glad I could help him On his Way.
←Rate | 10-19-2015 22:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Naked yoga in the backyard is the best way to get the neighbors to pay for that privacy fence.
←Rate | 10-19-2015 22:30 Comments (0)  



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