Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon Safety Rule #1. Never put your hand where you wouldn't put your willy
←Rate | 10-27-2015 07:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm from Canada, but they kicked me out 'cause I wasn't sorry.
←Rate | 10-27-2015 18:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon *watching news report of zombie apocalypse* Me: This is great. No work today!
←Rate | 10-27-2015 18:09 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You havent truly hated me until you've heard me eat a bag of chips while you're trying to watch a movie.
←Rate | 10-27-2015 18:10 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My neighbours kids pretend restaurant sucks,, The service is horrible here and the prices are outrageous.
←Rate | 10-27-2015 18:16 Comments (0)  

   messageicon How can someone who makes less than 200,000 a year vote Republican I'll never understand.
←Rate | 10-27-2015 18:50 Comments (8)  

   messageicon How does Sean Connery shave? Ctrl + S
←Rate | 10-27-2015 19:04 by RikkiSowtz Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you're last name is Walker and you aren't a Texas ranger, I'll assume you have disgraced your family by choosing another profession.
←Rate | 10-27-2015 19:29 by unknown comic Comments (0)  

   messageicon If everyday is a gift then today was socks...
←Rate | 10-27-2015 20:38 by Gabe Comments (0)  

   messageicon My favorite machine at the gym is the water fountain.
←Rate | 10-27-2015 21:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I have always been suspicious of Wendy's hamburgers because they are square; much unlike the round hamburgers one finds in nature.
←Rate | 10-27-2015 21:31 by Aaron Comments (0)  

   messageicon Maybe the baby wasn't on board. Maybe the baby was against the whole thing.
←Rate | 10-27-2015 22:28 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If elected president, I will remove all things Kardashian and Jenner from the Internet and television.
←Rate | 10-28-2015 00:54 by Czovczov Comments (0)  

   messageicon My wife ended up with a broken nose and a black eye today because she wouldn't listen to me. I said, "Honey! Look out for that lamppost!"
←Rate | 10-28-2015 07:03 Comments (0)  

   messageicon does this Bernie Sanders redistribution work? If I have $10 and my friend has $20, he has to give me $5, right??
←Rate | 10-28-2015 08:49 Comments (1)  

   messageicon You people who don't wear glasses don't realize how gratifying it is to take them off and rub your eyes when someone's being a moron.
←Rate | 10-28-2015 10:18 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Happy anniversary to the love of my life, and her husband Steve.
←Rate | 10-28-2015 11:04 by udit Comments (0)  

   messageicon If I had to do it all over again, I’d do it from a bar.
←Rate | 10-28-2015 13:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon For you to insult me, I first have to acknowledge your existence.
←Rate | 10-28-2015 14:25 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Phones nowadays are so expensive, when you fall and hear a crack, you pray it’s your leg.
←Rate | 10-28-2015 14:52 by @1_Jack_Jacko Comments (0)  

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