Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon Ah, I see my old arch nemesis, the bottom of the bottle, has arrived.
←Rate | 11-20-2015 12:04 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I think Americans need to find out who makes terrorist passports, apparently those things survive plane crashes and suicide bombs
←Rate | 11-20-2015 13:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Well No money November is going well this year
←Rate | 11-20-2015 15:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Well on a positive note, Charlie Sheen.
←Rate | 11-20-2015 15:57 by pimpjuice Comments (0)  

   messageicon The Wizard of Oz is 70 years old. Today, if Dorothy were to encounter men with no brains, no hearts, and no balls, she wouldn't be in Oz. She would be in congress...
←Rate | 11-21-2015 06:09 by @kalleygirl Comments (1)  

   messageicon I asked what to bring for Thanksgiving this year and my mom said it was up to me so I'm bringing a wireless router.
←Rate | 11-21-2015 07:08 by unknown comic Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sometimes when I'm in the shower I have epiphanies of intellectual brilliance. Other times I just think about chips and dip
←Rate | 11-21-2015 07:09 by huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm sorry I dropped your baby when the theme from Friends came on and I had to clap along.
←Rate | 11-21-2015 07:10 by unknown comic Comments (0)  

   messageicon When I'm on my deathbed, I'm definitely going to ask if I can be moved to a different bed.
←Rate | 11-21-2015 07:11 by flinnie Comments (0)  

   messageicon Went to my niece's elementary school field day this week... I won every single event... Every... Single... Event.
←Rate | 11-21-2015 08:58 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon I drink Gatorade when I'm dehydrated because it replaces lost sodium, potassium, and yellow #5.
←Rate | 11-21-2015 09:06 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon When my goldfish starts acting like a jerk... I remind him that his bowl is microwave-safe
←Rate | 11-21-2015 09:07 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon My neighbor told me he childproofed his house. And the very next day his wife came home with a newborn... Worst... Childproofer... Ever.
←Rate | 11-21-2015 09:08 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon I bet the next couple of weeks is when those Ocean Spray sales execs really meet their quotas.
←Rate | 11-21-2015 09:12 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, "feel horrible I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment." The husband replies, "Your eyesight's damn near perfec
←Rate | 11-21-2015 12:55 by @kalleygirl Comments (0)  

   messageicon A wife is like a hand grenade. Remove the ring, and your house is gone... 💍💍💍😂😂😂
←Rate | 11-21-2015 12:57 by @kalleygirl Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why is Kim K. like KFC? After you've finished with the thighs and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in. 🍗🍖🤑🤑😂😂😂
←Rate | 11-21-2015 12:58 by @kalleygirl Comments (0)  

   messageicon SCOOBY DOO taught us that all the REAL monsters ARE human... 🙈🙉🙊
←Rate | 11-21-2015 13:04 by @kalleygirl Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been..." "Ma'am, please just vote and exit the booth!
←Rate | 11-21-2015 13:07 by @kalleygirl Comments (0)  

   messageicon You know, if Facebook is conflicting with your real life relationships then it's time to take a break. We need your full commitment over here!
←Rate | 11-21-2015 15:35 by @kalleygirl Comments (0)  

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