Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon A lot of people don't realize that Shania Twain's father, Mark, was actually a pretty good writer.
←Rate | 10-23-2015 23:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My therapist is letting me drink alcohol in my therapy session today, and by that I mean I'm drinking and watching Dr Phil.
←Rate | 10-23-2015 23:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Even if your not successful in life , You are guaranteed to get two certificates
←Rate | 10-24-2015 01:27 by @uxbridgeguy Comments (0)  

   messageicon ..... Canada ..... Leading the world in being just north of the United States
←Rate | 10-24-2015 04:01 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I feel kinda sorry for Lamar Odom. Imagine the horror of waking up from a coma and the first thing you see is a Kardashian.
←Rate | 10-24-2015 04:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You can never lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn't come back, what you've lost is a regular pigeon.
←Rate | 10-24-2015 04:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon HALLOWEEN PRO TIP.... put on your costume then over top of it do the classic ghost blanket costume....go trick-or-treating as a ghost then take the blanket off & go a 2nd round as the other costume you wore underneath....double candy
←Rate | 10-24-2015 15:14 by Eddy Comments (2)  

   messageicon The thing I miss most about being in a relationship is making someone cry.
←Rate | 10-24-2015 15:17 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The streets will run red with the blood of my enemies is probably something I shouldn't have said out loud at the neighborhood watch meeting
←Rate | 10-24-2015 22:11 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  

   messageicon When the cashier said "Strip down facing me" how was I supposed to know she meant my debit card?
←Rate | 10-25-2015 05:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Apparently today is Mother-In-Law day. Who knew
←Rate | 10-25-2015 07:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I am just surprised your mouth isn't foot-shaped.
←Rate | 10-25-2015 07:26 by Czovczov Comments (0)  

   messageicon I wear running shoes so I look like I'm going places.
←Rate | 10-25-2015 07:26 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I bet if I flashed my hand grenade this guy would let me merge
←Rate | 10-25-2015 07:40 by Psycho Comments (0)  

   messageicon You know those people that put a basket on their bike for their dog to ride along? Same but for tequila bottles
←Rate | 10-25-2015 07:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm the irrelevance in the room.
←Rate | 10-25-2015 07:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'll sleep when you're dead.
←Rate | 10-25-2015 07:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon What was I like in high school? You know that guy who drove a Mustang and banged all the cheerleaders? I'm the reason he passed calculus
←Rate | 10-25-2015 08:26 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Me as a doctor: Hey, I get paid whether you can maintain an erection or not buddy. Next!
←Rate | 10-25-2015 12:16 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Every time I lose some weight, I find it again in the refrigerator..
←Rate | 10-25-2015 12:28 Comments (0)  

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