Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon [finally gets the car seat installed correctly] Me: Where’s the baby? Wife: In college.
←Rate | 10-13-2015 03:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Playboy is dropping nudes because they're too easy to find on the internet? I had no idea. I only read the internet for the articles.
←Rate | 10-13-2015 08:57 by JC Comments (0)  

   messageicon Playboy doesn't show nudes. MTV doesn't play music videos. The Learning Channel makes you dumber. What happened to the world
←Rate | 10-13-2015 08:59 by JC Comments (0)  

   messageicon An SEC football season without Steve Spurrier? Isn't that sort of like a Prom without acne?
←Rate | 10-13-2015 09:43 by SEC Comments (0)  

   messageicon I call bravo Sierra on distance makes the heart grow fonder. Distance makes you have to do dishes and cook and stuff.
←Rate | 10-13-2015 13:18 by Goodeolboy Comments (0)  

   messageicon I will still be nude when reading Playboy.
←Rate | 10-13-2015 15:05 by Nipper Comments (0)  

   messageicon When Ellen DeGeneres gives away an automobile on her show she should call the segment "What Would You Do for a Blonde Dyke's Car?"
←Rate | 10-13-2015 18:00 by SDBlazer Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you are caught speeding in Michigan, the police issue you Detroit Lions tickets.
←Rate | 10-13-2015 21:21 by Murph Comments (0)  

   messageicon I get it ladies, I had abs before I had kids too.
←Rate | 10-14-2015 00:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon remember kids, no matter how big a failure you think you are, you've never passed out at a whorehouse.
←Rate | 10-14-2015 00:44 by Baddie Comments (0)  

   messageicon CNN debate polls are in: Hillary 4% Sanders 6% Webb 2% Putin 70% Karl Marx 18%
←Rate | 10-14-2015 01:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon One day...Ima log onto social media and not see anything Kardashian/Jenner related. One day..
←Rate | 10-14-2015 03:12 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I used to be in a band called "missing cat". You've probably seen our poster.
←Rate | 10-14-2015 06:55 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I recently added squats to my workouts by moving the beer into the bottom shelf of the fridge.
←Rate | 10-14-2015 06:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I hate it when people say 'You don't need alcohol to have fun.' You don't need shoes to walk on gravel, but they help.
←Rate | 10-14-2015 07:48 by mds Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's sad when your chances of winning the lottery are BETTER than getting a decent raise at work.
←Rate | 10-14-2015 10:06 by Dude Comments (0)  

   messageicon I think my downstairs neighbors are beginning to suspect I'm living in their attic...
←Rate | 10-14-2015 13:31 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon Our lazy neighbor cant even rake his yard without clutching his chest and falling down...
←Rate | 10-14-2015 13:35 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon The Middle East and Kim Kardashian's a$$ have a lot in common. Both are massive, have tons of oil, and have been invaded by the West.
←Rate | 10-14-2015 13:38 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon The only real difference between my 20s and my 30s is that now I make all my bad decisions before midnight.
←Rate | 10-14-2015 14:09 by SEAN Comments (0)  

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