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Admit it, you have that one voice that you only use on animals and babies. 
If you think you aren't creative, buy a gym membership and see how many excuses you find not to use it.
Strangly enough we will need China to finance us in our war against them ! Crazy thing is they will probably do it !
One man's hoe is probably another man's hoe too.
The mirrors in my house have been pretty sarcastic lately.
If time is money, then I'm running out of time very quickly
Smile. It's easier than explaining why you're sad.
I'm looking for the "It's Complicated" box to check off on this tax form.
Does this couch I'm laying on make me look unmotivated?
I am the type to fart in a crowded train and get just as upset as everyone else.
Realistically most adults only need to know enough math to cheat the government once a year.
If state farm was like a good neighbor they would had plowed my driveway today for me.
Ice has a way of turning even the most graceful of people into really bad break dancers......
"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you". Unless, of course, they did unto you first, and now you have to totally open a can of "unto" on them.
when judging someone for falling down remember someday you may need them to help you up.
I whip my hair back and forth is probably the most depressing song for bald people
FOR SALE: Wedding dress, size 12, worn once by mistake.
Everyone always talks about the early bird. How about the early worm? How'd that work out for him?
I can't stand it when people won't speak a little louder when I'm trying to eavesdrop on them. You people are selfish.
I just got back from my high school reunion. OK... actually, I logged into Facebook... but same thing. 