BEGO Funny Status Messages

   My doctor told me not to lift anything heavy for a few weeks. So I have to sit when I pee now.

   I just had 19 beers at Chuck E. Cheese's... and this band is awesome!

   Don't call me " bae " " baby " " babe " or " love " unless I'm the ONLY ONE you're calling that.

   My mother called Information. While I'm sitting here with my laptop, she called Information. Even the Amish dont call information anymore

   “A mother takes twenty years to make a man of her boy, and another woman makes a fool of him in twenty minutes.”

   Updating my status in the car. Don't worry, I'm in the passenger seat. Which makes it harder to drive, but fools the damn cops.

   I give up on life when I picked up this girls phone and saw my contact name as FREE FOOD.

   I am not sure if I need to get beat up, broke as hell and drive a P.O.S car to get a hot girlfriend. Because that's all I see, ugly is the new hot!

   Black chicks always saying a white girl is "trying to act black." Meanwhile, they have blonde weave and sky blue contacts.

   Dating your Ex again is like buying your clothes back from Goodwill. There's a reason you got rid of it in the first place.

   Life is tough. It's even tougher if you're stupid.

   Santa, the Tooth Fairy, and the Easter Bunny, seemed to like the rich families more. Who liked the poor families more? the Stork.

   Dear Haters, ╭∩╮ º.º ╭∩╮ Sincerely, Me.

   Everyone is going to places like Italy, Las Vegas, Cancun and to Europe for vacation and I am just here like, Hey there, bed. You look really nice tonight.

   Every time I almost think humanity will be okay, I see someone struggle with the self-checkout for 20 minutes.

   It's so hot outside, I bet Jehovah's Witnesses are going to start telemarketing.

   Biggest lie I tell myself: "I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."

   My room is about as organized as the Walmart $5 DVD bin.

   WORD OF ADVICE: The key to a lasting relationship is keeping the fights clean and the sex dirty.

   99% of girls are hot. The other 1% go to my school.