Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Sometimes you just have to let the anger guide you.

   If anyone needs help eating those cookies. Let me know.

   Your mum is gonna do that thing your daddy likes tonight because it's a holiday. Food for thought.

   Ralphie looking at leg lamp:[narrating as Adult] "Only one thing in the world could've dragged me away from the soft glow of electric sex gleaming in the window."

   As much as Santa came last night I bet he will sleep for a week

   Santa came down the chimney, at half past three. W

   I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus; then I saw her helping him empty his sack.

   Almost time for "New year the new me, 2016 is mine bull$hit. Your life sucked last year and it will suck again in 2016

   athiests are awful quite Xmas morning

   MY GOAL FOR 2016 IS JUST DO LIFE BETTER!

   I dream of a Kardashian-free 2016.

   It's hard to believe in evolution, when every time I go to Subway the person in front of me has NO IDEA HOW SUBWAY WORKS.

   Woooooo whoooo!! Just got an email from mark zuckerberg's secratarty stating that I just won 4.5mill all they need is 3k from me to release the funds, just sent them my banking info , Aruba here I come!!! suckkkerrsss!!

   I hate being sick at Christmas. My wife says I'm not sick, but I was just jacking it while looking at a picture of a fat nun pissing on a hot schools girl. How is that not sick.

   Christmas. It's been a long 2 1/2 months.

   "Update the force, Luke" Adobe Wan Kenobi

   "Open Mike Night" sounded like a lot of fun until I realized I'd been invited to an autopsy.

   I just tried on my birthday suit. It is stretched out of shape an covered in hair.

   I was going to wear my birthday suit today but it has been stretched out of shape and is covered in hair.

   The first fagget that mentions a Kardashian in 2016 is getting punched in the mouth.