Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon Race War Coming Soon to City near you.
←Rate | 08-27-2015 13:48 by traver Comments (2)  

   messageicon I'm at my neighbor's house having the most delicious dinner. Hope I finish before they get home!
←Rate | 08-27-2015 15:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When emptying email spam folder, why does anyone need to be asked are you sure you want to empty this folder. We do not need to be asked are you sure. Yes I am f#cking sure ! ! !
←Rate | 08-27-2015 16:32 by JAB Comments (0)  

   messageicon ust looked up from my phone and realized I was sitting in a restaurant that closed in 2007.
←Rate | 08-27-2015 18:45 Comments (0)  

   messageicon one thing I have learned from the latest 24 hour news cycle... You can limp wrist a Glock and it will still function
←Rate | 08-27-2015 19:49 by House Comments (0)  

   messageicon Bar B Que Bacon Cheese Burger... The best part of my day.
←Rate | 08-27-2015 19:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon "You gonna eat that?" My wife asks,,,, pointing to my words.
←Rate | 08-27-2015 21:10 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon Once upon a time a man was told to go f#ck himself and he lived happily everafter. . .
←Rate | 08-27-2015 23:51 by JAB Comments (0)  

   messageicon You had me at "hello," But lost me at "bae"
←Rate | 08-28-2015 02:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A group of girls with a selfie stick is called a travesty.
←Rate | 08-28-2015 02:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Spandex: a Right, not a Privilege.
←Rate | 08-28-2015 09:26 by denevans Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's National Beaver Day.
←Rate | 08-28-2015 12:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon *stops to smell the roses* *steps in dog poop..
←Rate | 08-28-2015 12:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon What if the Lottery is an institution to catch time travelers..?
←Rate | 08-28-2015 14:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon This lady in Walmart is staring at me like she's never seen anyone put on deodorant and then put it back on the shelf.
←Rate | 08-28-2015 18:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Pro tip: buy the cheap vodka and run it through your Brita water filter a few times..
←Rate | 08-29-2015 13:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon COP: can you describe the man that attacked you?..... TEACHER: I don't know, CAN I describe him?...... COP: *heavy sigh* MAY you describe him
←Rate | 08-29-2015 19:34 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon My dentist said I grind at night. I said, I think the kids call it twerking now.
←Rate | 08-30-2015 06:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon They call them heated seats because rear defroster was already taken.
←Rate | 08-30-2015 07:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Took a quiz "Which Sex and the City character are you?" Turns out I'm the bus driver who splashes Carrie in the opening credits.
←Rate | 08-30-2015 07:33 by unknown comic Comments (0)  

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