Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I celebrate Hanukkah instead it's much more chill and we don't have any silly stuff

   Thank You Santa for helping make Christianity less believable than it already was

   Watching and playing video games is probably my favorite holiday thing.

   All I want for Christmas is lots of bubble wrap

   Midnight mass? I'll pass thanks. More Porto please...

   So is Mary already in labour? How long did she take? And was this God-bloke excited? Smoking at her "stable side"?

   Enough with the pro-Xmas vs con-Xmas: IT IS FESTIVUS!

   I just had a WTF moment when Adele stoped singing and immediately turned into Mrs. Doubtfire. I also just learned that she has a potty mouth, and I like it!

   Every man is the master of his own destiny. You are your own god or devil. Your soul belongs to only you.

   Whenever I see people lined up outside a club on Friday night, I just think “look at all these poor people who don’t know Netflix exists.”

   If I could have a superpower, it would be the ability to watch people work out and absorb the benefits for myself.

   When I think of all the money I’ve spent on booze in my life, I wish I had it all back. Imagine all the booze I could buy!

   My gf won’t get the remote that’s in the other room, but if my wallet was at the bottom of an ocean she’d be shopping already.

   Nothing says “friend zone” quite like a woman saying “you’re like a brother to me.” Unless you’re from Alabama.

   As uncomfortable as silence immediately after sex.

   Last time I got dumped I went to some random funeral to cry my heart out.

   Spice things up during family dinners this holiday season by slamming your wine glass down and demanding "What do you people want from me!?"

   My ornaments are starting to droop. Yeah, time to ask Santa for new underwear.

   What kind of loser good for nothing idiot supports Hillary Clinton anyway?

   Please stop adding noises to your songs that sound like maybe something is wrong with my car.