Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon Trying to eat a powdered donut without looking like I just came from Charlie Sheen's house.
←Rate | 09-04-2015 15:38 by gremlinsd Comments (0)  

   messageicon I am strongly opposed to a representational democracy.... AND I VOTE!
←Rate | 09-04-2015 15:44 by unknown comic Comments (0)  

   messageicon fell in love on an elevator once and it ended in soul crushing heart break, so, no thanks Aerosmith. No frickin thanks.
←Rate | 09-04-2015 15:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You had me at jello. Oh you said hello. Do you have any jello? No? Why are you doing this to me?
←Rate | 09-04-2015 15:54 by unknown comic Comments (0)  

   messageicon Thought for sure I'd get Vicoden or Percocet, but my optometrist only prescribed reading glasses
←Rate | 09-04-2015 15:58 by unknown comic Comments (0)  

   messageicon I only use elevators for one thing. Surprise group hugs
←Rate | 09-04-2015 15:59 by huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon When my mother calls with a computer problem, I tell her to try shutting it off and turning it back on in 6 months.
←Rate | 09-04-2015 16:02 by huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon Truth time: I've been cheating on my diet. With a younger, more attractive diet.
←Rate | 09-04-2015 16:04 by unknown comic Comments (0)  

   messageicon Remembered there were pudding cups in the fridge, so I walked faster than usual to the kitchen and now I know what a "runner's high" is.
←Rate | 09-04-2015 16:04 by unknown comic Comments (0)  

   messageicon If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck WHAT IS IT DOING HERE I'M TRYING TO SLEEP
←Rate | 09-04-2015 16:05 by flinnie Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you'd asked me to guess which groups would be really into wearing sunglasses, I would not have gotten 'blind people.'
←Rate | 09-04-2015 16:10 by flinnie Comments (0)  

   messageicon WHAT DO WE NOT WANT? -no scrubs! WHERE DO WE NOT WANT THEM? -hangin out the passenger side of his best friends ride
←Rate | 09-04-2015 16:12 by unknown comic Comments (0)  

   messageicon Wow. I have 4 events today, none of which I agreed to go to or expressed any interest in whatsoever. Thanks, Facebook!
←Rate | 09-04-2015 16:13 by huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon Strangers thousands of miles away sharing their emotions and making you smile at times ... Perhaps technology has not failed us after all.
←Rate | 09-04-2015 16:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon "The Carpet Exchange" is not where lesbian swingers meet.
←Rate | 09-04-2015 18:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If there is a parallel universe out their with another me who's my opposite. He got universe where the usb goes in the right way first time....I'm the other guy.
←Rate | 09-04-2015 23:10 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Saturday,,,, an Olympic hopeful was killed with a starter pistol....... Police think it might be race related
←Rate | 09-05-2015 02:54 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon My boss wants me to take a training class in Time Management. Yeah. Like I'm supposed to be able to fit that into my already overloaded schedule.
←Rate | 09-05-2015 08:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I got the kids Frozen yesterday... and the sperm bank only charged me $100 for doing it...
←Rate | 09-05-2015 08:30 by Gabe Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why can't they just put the power bank batteries on phones and save us all the trouble
←Rate | 09-05-2015 09:20 Comments (0)  

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