Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon "What's the difference between a 'hippo' and a 'Zippo'? One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter"
←Rate | 08-25-2015 07:10 by Pete Comments (0)  

   messageicon "I just deleted all the German names off my phone. It's Hans free" -
←Rate | 08-25-2015 07:11 by Muntman Comments (1)  

   messageicon Earlier this year I saw "The Theory of Everything" - loved it. Should've been called "Look Who's Hawking", that's my only criticism"
←Rate | 08-25-2015 07:13 by pj Comments (0)  

   messageicon "If I could take just one thing to a desert island I probably wouldn't go"
←Rate | 08-25-2015 07:13 by Pete Comments (0)  

   messageicon Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman. It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't"
←Rate | 08-25-2015 07:14 by Mr Scotland Comments (0)  

   messageicon I throw small pieces of bread at your duck face selfies
←Rate | 08-25-2015 13:08 Comments (1)  

   messageicon I'm sorry I'm so emotional bro. It came with these skinny jeans and selfie stick.
←Rate | 08-25-2015 13:58 by Czovczov Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just deleted all the German contacts from my phone. It's now Hans free
←Rate | 08-25-2015 16:50 Comments (1)  

   messageicon The saying goes, there's someone out there for everyone. Maybe your someone is way out there, on another planet. . .
←Rate | 08-25-2015 17:55 by JAB Comments (0)  

   messageicon But seriously guys, ,,,, almost every time I've had cake I've eaten it,
←Rate | 08-25-2015 21:04 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon So now that oil is so cheap,,,, maybe we should start drilling for black printer ink.
←Rate | 08-25-2015 21:05 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon So remember, ,, for every action,,,,, there is an equal and opposite social media overreaction
←Rate | 08-25-2015 21:08 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon I like to peel all of the labels off of my pill bottles and just write "surprise me" on them.
←Rate | 08-26-2015 02:11 by Czovczov Comments (0)  

   messageicon What's the inside temperature of a Tauntaun? Luke warm.
←Rate | 08-26-2015 08:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon People that use abbreviations like ppl, wyd, hmu, and idk – what do you do with all that time you saved?
←Rate | 08-26-2015 08:35 Comments (2)  

   messageicon Happy National Dog Day to all da bitches.
←Rate | 08-26-2015 20:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Its national dogs day, weird its also the day they were allowed to start voting
←Rate | 08-26-2015 23:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Masturbation. Because I never let me down.
←Rate | 08-26-2015 23:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon With no power comes no responsibility... (During a power outage)
←Rate | 08-27-2015 00:28 Comments (0)  

   messageicon How are we supposed to cure cancer when we can't even find a cure for selfies?
←Rate | 08-27-2015 02:21 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  

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