Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon You ever felt like a fool, by waving your hands at a paper towel dispenser that turned out to not be automatic. Other folks in the rest room think you are a ninja of something....
←Rate | 08-23-2015 08:12 by Jerry Carter Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's cool how our pinky finger evolved into a cell phone stand...
←Rate | 08-23-2015 11:41 by eengrms Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Sometimes I feel I don't belong here." Me, on planet earth
←Rate | 08-23-2015 11:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon identifies as a tranzmillionaire. A rich man trapped in a poor man's body. Can we rectify this situation?
←Rate | 08-23-2015 14:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Buying my wife a matching belt and bag for her birthday. We'll have that vacuum cleaner working in no time.
←Rate | 08-23-2015 20:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Lazy" is a strong word. I prefer to call it selective participation.
←Rate | 08-23-2015 20:55 Comments (0)  

   messageicon It’s so nice outside, I should probably close the blinds so there isn’t a glare on my screen.
←Rate | 08-23-2015 20:55 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Happy National Waffles day. Waffles are just pancakes with abs!
←Rate | 08-24-2015 07:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon More coffee, less people please.
←Rate | 08-24-2015 09:28 by Baddie Comments (0)  

   messageicon Go ahead, tell a woman she can do whatever she wants, like she wasn't already.
←Rate | 08-24-2015 09:42 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon If a man repeats everything a woman says, word for word,,,,,,,, is he still wrong?
←Rate | 08-24-2015 10:50 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon I wonder if anyone's kids had their first day of school today?
←Rate | 08-24-2015 11:15 by Mustangdru Comments (0)  

   messageicon You only live once is the most reassuring thing I've ever heard.
←Rate | 08-24-2015 15:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon actually "Deez Nutz" isn't that far away from holding up "the rear" of the pack
←Rate | 08-24-2015 18:02 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm not saying you should hire me to be the president of your marketing team, I'm just saying there should be a bar at Toys R Us..
←Rate | 08-24-2015 20:01 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You don't come for me. I send for you.
←Rate | 08-25-2015 00:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon By the power vested in me... I now pronounce me going to sleep
←Rate | 08-25-2015 05:42 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse ... but enough about Kanye West"
←Rate | 08-25-2015 07:10 by Kingtog Comments (0)  

   messageicon "What's the difference between a 'hippo' and a 'Zippo'? One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter"
←Rate | 08-25-2015 07:10 by Pete Comments (0)  

   messageicon "I just deleted all the German names off my phone. It's Hans free" -
←Rate | 08-25-2015 07:11 by Muntman Comments (1)  

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