Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon Be thankful your GPS doesn't get PMS: “Fine! Turn whichever way you want! You never listen to me anyway!”
←Rate | 09-02-2015 19:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don't "drink". I expedite my bedtime.
←Rate | 09-03-2015 01:06 Comments (0)  

   messageicon According to my Magic Watch you're not wearing any Panties,. Oh You Are Wearing Panties. Well Then It must be running 15 min fast.
←Rate | 09-03-2015 01:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon At work since 6am, awake since 7am.
←Rate | 09-03-2015 05:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Substitute " My ass" for "This girls" on fire and you're welcome Preparation H for your new ad campaign.
←Rate | 09-03-2015 05:58 by Bob Comments (0)  

   messageicon I asked my cat if I'm passive aggressive and she ignored me. I hope I don't forget to feed her tonight.
←Rate | 09-03-2015 08:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If a person has an imaginary friend, it's crazy. If several people have the same imaginary friend, it's religion.
←Rate | 09-03-2015 09:42 Comments (2)  

   messageicon If the best things in life really are free, why am I still getting charged at the liquor store? I call bull crap..
←Rate | 09-03-2015 13:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Never underestimate the lawyer of a champion
←Rate | 09-03-2015 14:06 Comments (0)  

   messageicon the world is not full of a$$holes but they are strategically placed so you come across several everyday
←Rate | 09-03-2015 14:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon “The man who fears losing has already lost.”
←Rate | 09-03-2015 16:06 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Canadian rockers Chad Kroeger and Avril Lavigne are separating after 2 years of marriage... which I think is 4.4 after converting from metric...
←Rate | 09-03-2015 17:10 by JaxWylde Comments (0)  

   messageicon I feel kinda like that guy in Nirvana whom nobody really appreciates. Not Kurt Cobain or Dave Grohl, the other one.
←Rate | 09-03-2015 17:29 by Nipper Comments (0)  

   messageicon FYI: The opposite of Chevy Chase,,,, is Ford Escape.
←Rate | 09-03-2015 18:46 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon Maybe if Kim Davis wasn’t so patently awful to gay people she could find someone to help fix her hair.
←Rate | 09-03-2015 18:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You know a girl is a keeper if she picks the iron when she's playing Monopoly.
←Rate | 09-03-2015 19:04 by gremlinsd Comments (2)  

   messageicon still wondering how would you engineer an electrical?
←Rate | 09-03-2015 21:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you see me at a Baskin Robbins and I have 2 gallons of ice cream in front of me and only 1 spoon... Don't ask me how I'm doing !
←Rate | 09-04-2015 00:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon LOOK MA! NO CHASER!
←Rate | 09-04-2015 13:01 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A lot of people say the bible is the greatest story ever told but I've always been partial to Back to the Future.
←Rate | 09-04-2015 13:02 Comments (0)  

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