Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon INTERVIEWER: Why did you leave your previous job? ME: Because once they fire you they won't let you stay.
←Rate | 10-04-2015 01:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Yes, I saved my old beeper. If that technology comes back around I don't want to be paying $20 for a new one.
←Rate | 10-04-2015 05:52 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon Failed biology because apparently the answer to "what is commonly found in cells?" Isn't "Blacks and Mexicans"
←Rate | 10-04-2015 06:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Statistics Show That Criminals Commit Less Crime After They’ve Been Shot
←Rate | 10-04-2015 10:48 by MWC Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don't go to the gym, I like for things to work themselves out.
←Rate | 10-04-2015 11:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Know those adorable idiosyncrasies you loved when first dating? After 20 years of marriage they become what the police refer to as "motive".
←Rate | 10-04-2015 11:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon my wife can find a stain on my shirt from across the room but can't see the mailbox when she's backing up?
←Rate | 10-04-2015 11:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I've always wanted to walk up to a stranger and hand them a briefcase and say, "You know what to do"
←Rate | 10-04-2015 11:28 Comments (0)  

   messageicon It’s like I was put on this earth so unstable people have somebody to date.
←Rate | 10-04-2015 11:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon These energy drinks make sitting on the couch so much more exciting.
←Rate | 10-04-2015 11:35 Comments (0)  

   messageicon All I'm saying judge is that the song Come on Eileen should have come with more specific instructions . ...
←Rate | 10-04-2015 16:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you knew how many trips to the bathroom every phone has taken, you’d never, ever, ever, ever, ever touch somebody else’s phone. Ever.
←Rate | 10-05-2015 08:45 by Moose4242 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dear dryer, I think you have an eating disorder. Sincerely, now missing 13 socks.
←Rate | 10-05-2015 08:51 by Moose4242 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Calm down shouty museum man. I think it's pretty obvious that I know how to ride a dinosaur skeleton.
←Rate | 10-05-2015 08:53 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon To the untrained eye, I'm quite handsome......
←Rate | 10-05-2015 09:08 by Moose4242 Comments (0)  

   messageicon ”I used to be the Internet!” – The Library
←Rate | 10-05-2015 09:14 by Moose4242 Comments (0)  

   messageicon She put her makeup on. I said : So this is how you become a ten. She said: So, this is why women leave you. Another one bites the dust.
←Rate | 10-05-2015 13:49 by Jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon I was in the backyard with my wife.A bird dropped its poo on her shoulder. She yelled: Disgusting. .. get me paper towel or toilet paper. I looked up in the sky and said: it is probably a mile away. Plus, birds do not wipe their aasss.
←Rate | 10-05-2015 13:51 by Jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon My daughter is having a modern day wedding, no church... it is 2015...Break tradition. So the wedding will at a museum...
←Rate | 10-05-2015 13:52 by Jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just reported a car stolen because the people inside are black and the stick figures on the window were white
←Rate | 10-05-2015 14:34 Comments (0)  

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