Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

View All Funny Status Messages

Sort:  Recent   |   Oldest   |   Rating
Trump Filter: ON | OFF

Search Messages:
Page: 5094 of 5214

   messageicon [live debate] What's your stance on gun control?.......... *poses like a Charlie's question
←Rate | 08-20-2015 19:47 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon [Enter Password] drapes [Re-enter Password] carpet [Error: Passwords must match]
←Rate | 08-20-2015 20:49 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon Whew, I was worried they hacked the Dolly Madison site and everyone would find out about my chocolate Zingers addiction.
←Rate | 08-20-2015 23:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Its no coincidence that my internet addiction started on the same day I got married.
←Rate | 08-21-2015 00:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon It usually goes like this. 1: wreck myself. 2: check myself
←Rate | 08-21-2015 00:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If I put on a latex glove and snap it, that's just me flirting
←Rate | 08-21-2015 01:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dam it I have to break up with her in person? Isn't there an easier way?" -Alexander Graham Bell, probably.
←Rate | 08-21-2015 12:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Whoever invented the 5 day work week and 2 day weekend can suck my a**!
←Rate | 08-21-2015 12:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Actually, Yes! I do want to see a picture of your Mother-In-Law Eli. Your wife is hot!
←Rate | 08-21-2015 12:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Letting your date use your phone charger, even though you're at 25%, is the 21st century equivalent of putting your coat over a puddle.
←Rate | 08-21-2015 13:38 Comments (3)  

   messageicon Some times I just want to control alt delete my life and hit Esc. . .
←Rate | 08-21-2015 14:24 by JAB Comments (0)  

   messageicon Commercials for PizzaRolls would be more realistic if they had the kids screaming in agony as they burned their mouths on the cheese filling..
←Rate | 08-21-2015 15:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Her: We need to talk Me: how do you keep getting that duct tape off?
←Rate | 08-21-2015 18:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Ever notice that no one ever has three cats? They either have one or two cats, then it jumps to 17.
←Rate | 08-21-2015 19:28 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Remember these 3 things: If you're a man, never take marital advice from Josh Duggar. Ladies, don't accept drinks from Bill Cosby & couples, don't let Jared Fogle babysit your kids.
←Rate | 08-22-2015 08:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon what you call 10 commandments, I call common sense.
←Rate | 08-22-2015 10:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sorry I'm late, I was waiving my hands at a paper towel dispenser that turned out to not be automatic.
←Rate | 08-23-2015 06:47 by unknown comic Comments (0)  

   messageicon I come from a long line of successful people. I decided to stop that tradition.
←Rate | 08-23-2015 06:51 by unknown comic Comments (0)  

   messageicon My favorite part about being an adult is thinking about how stupid I was as a child for wishing I was an adult.
←Rate | 08-23-2015 06:59 by unknown comic Comments (0)  

   messageicon 99% of being an adult is basically just not being mean to people you don't like anymore
←Rate | 08-23-2015 07:05 by unknown comic Comments (0)  

Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Status Message:

... characters left