Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   When people ask why do I NEED a 30-round magazine for my gun, I say "Why did Rosa Parks NEED to sit at the front of the bus?" Because she had a right to do so. That's why.

   Women are always right...even the left handed ones.

   Just landed my dream job of "before" picture!!!

   Back in the day 8 bullets couldn't kill a brotha ... Now it takes 16... #thanks50cents

   I'm just looking for a little love and financial domination. Is that too much to ask?

   Relationship status: wakes up next to an empty bottle of vodka.

   POF should change its name to POS

   My GPS says "Estimated time of Arrival." I see "Time to Beat." Game on.

   What you never hear if you live in Santa Clarita.."I'll be back in a few minutes"

   Marry a woman who can cook. Anyone can scr3w but a good cook is hard to find.

   i'm so unlucky,,, if I fell in a bucket of t!t'$ ,,,, i'd come out sucking my thumb!

   Don't ever Under any circumstance Call me by my Government name in public.

   Fun party hosting tip: Put dozens of extra coats on the bed. When guests ask where everyone else is, laugh maniacally & change the subject.

   Crap. Got another Canadian quarter in change. But I’m a clever one; now it’s the Salvation Army’s problem.

   Why is maple syrup so expensive?.. It grows on trees doesn't it?

   Just once, I want someone to look at me and say,, “That’s him, He’s the one”...And not follow it with, “Who ate cake out of the garbage”

   The most frustrating thing I've ever tried to do was throw away a trash can.

   If a clown farts, does it smell funny?

   Haven't heard much from Clinton lately...she's trying hard to think of something truthful she may have said and trying to build a pathetic campaign around it.

   *my finger on her lips* sshhhh, I just told you what I think, don't ruin the moment by saying what you think too.