Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

View All Funny Status Messages

Sort:  Recent   |   Oldest   |   Rating
Trump Filter: ON | OFF


Search Messages:
Page: 5090 of 5105

   messageicon I never thought I'd be the kind of person who'd wake up early in the morning to exercise. And I was right.
←Rate | 08-14-2015 15:28 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon How many more short, funny sentences must I post on the internet before I am worthy of human love?
←Rate | 08-14-2015 15:29 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't like the idea of bacteria in my yogurt so I mix it with hand sanitizer. It cuts down on the taste, but I sleep better at night...
←Rate | 08-14-2015 15:30 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon I had this one night stand a few weeks ago but I wasn't satisfied with the craftsmanship so I returned it and got a bedside table instead...
←Rate | 08-14-2015 15:31 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon there a Nobel prize for being extremely mediocre because I would like to nominate myself...
←Rate | 08-14-2015 15:31 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon There's really no telling how successful I could have been if the internet hadn't been invented...
←Rate | 08-14-2015 15:32 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon To be truthful,,, I have never unrolled a sleeping bag and been able to roll it back up any smaller than the size of a garage.
←Rate | 08-14-2015 20:59 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hold my wife's hand in the mall. Not because it's romantic but more because it's economical. It keeps her from shopping.
←Rate | 08-14-2015 22:51 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon That's the last time I spend the week listening to INXS seeking relationship advice....totally just got left hanging.
←Rate | 08-15-2015 06:52 by RememberRemember Comments (0)  


   messageicon hates it when I get invited to weird events on Facebook. For the fifth time, I do not want to go to your cat's birthday party, FREAK!...My dog is getting married
←Rate | 08-15-2015 07:13 by MWC Comments (1)  


   messageicon The Native Americans used every part of the iPhone,,, even the stocks app and game center.
←Rate | 08-15-2015 07:56 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon On Dancing With the Tsars last night, Peter and Catherine were great, but Ivan was terrible.
←Rate | 08-15-2015 07:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not gay but $20 is $20.
←Rate | 08-15-2015 08:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My Shark Week lights are still up from last year.
←Rate | 08-15-2015 09:24 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon "KiSS HER"~~~Me watching women's boxing.....
←Rate | 08-15-2015 10:01 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon Once my kids wake up, my only goal for the rest of the day is getting them back to bed...
←Rate | 08-15-2015 11:38 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon an Amish Driveby Shooting.................."Clip Clop Clip Clop Clip Clock Clip Clop.........BANG BANG BANG BANG.............Clip Clop Clip Clop Clip Clop"
←Rate | 08-15-2015 12:57 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Two men came to the door asking if I'd found Jesus. I had no idea he was missing and I suddenly got nervous thinking I might be a suspect.
←Rate | 08-15-2015 13:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’m moving to Africa. Apparently there I can eat for 12 cents a day.
←Rate | 08-15-2015 13:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My workout plan really only consists of me wandering around in parking lots because I forgot where I parked...
←Rate | 08-15-2015 13:37 Comments (0)  



Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left