Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

View All Funny Status Messages

Sort:  Recent   |   Oldest   |   Rating
Trump Filter: ON | OFF

Search Messages:
Page: 5090 of 5263

   messageicon Sesame Street has moved to HBO and promise to contain some shocking spoilers, like how to get there.
←Rate | 08-19-2015 19:30 by Jimmy F. Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don't use alcohol as a crutch. It's more like a motorized wheelchair.
←Rate | 08-19-2015 20:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I like my women like I like my sentences, without periods!
←Rate | 08-19-2015 21:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I like my woman like I like my beer; brown, smooth, and goes down without any problems.
←Rate | 08-19-2015 21:16 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I've never had sex with a ten but I'm wondering if two fives count.
←Rate | 08-19-2015 21:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I like my women like I like my coffee.. in a burlap sack shipped over from a 3rd world country
←Rate | 08-20-2015 05:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My Nephew asked me if I knew anything about Galileo .... "Do I" I said, "I know he was a Poor Boy that Nobody loved, from a Poor Family."
←Rate | 08-20-2015 05:03 Comments (0)  

   messageicon [high school reunion] Him: I'm a doctor Her: I'm a lawyer Him: What do you do? Me: PEOPLE VALIDATE ME ON THE INTERNET..
←Rate | 08-20-2015 16:41 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Ever think about an old friend and wonder what they're doing right now? They're playing on their phone. Everyone is playing on their phone!
←Rate | 08-20-2015 18:28 Comments (0)  

   messageicon [live debate] What's your stance on gun control?.......... *poses like a Charlie's question
←Rate | 08-20-2015 19:47 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon [Enter Password] drapes [Re-enter Password] carpet [Error: Passwords must match]
←Rate | 08-20-2015 20:49 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon Whew, I was worried they hacked the Dolly Madison site and everyone would find out about my chocolate Zingers addiction.
←Rate | 08-20-2015 23:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Its no coincidence that my internet addiction started on the same day I got married.
←Rate | 08-21-2015 00:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon It usually goes like this. 1: wreck myself. 2: check myself
←Rate | 08-21-2015 00:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If I put on a latex glove and snap it, that's just me flirting
←Rate | 08-21-2015 01:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dam it I have to break up with her in person? Isn't there an easier way?" -Alexander Graham Bell, probably.
←Rate | 08-21-2015 12:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Whoever invented the 5 day work week and 2 day weekend can suck my a**!
←Rate | 08-21-2015 12:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Actually, Yes! I do want to see a picture of your Mother-In-Law Eli. Your wife is hot!
←Rate | 08-21-2015 12:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Letting your date use your phone charger, even though you're at 25%, is the 21st century equivalent of putting your coat over a puddle.
←Rate | 08-21-2015 13:38 Comments (3)  

   messageicon Some times I just want to control alt delete my life and hit Esc. . .
←Rate | 08-21-2015 14:24 by JAB Comments (0)  

Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Status Message:

... characters left