flinnie Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon I scream. You scream. Others begin to scream frightened by our screaming. Panic ensues. Riots breakout... next time just ask for ice cream.
←Rate | 09-22-2014 05:26 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’m glad I’m me, I don’t think anybody else could take it.
←Rate | 09-17-2014 05:29 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Imagine how creepy the first guy to dress up as a clown must have been, and where did he get the idea?
←Rate | 09-13-2014 10:40 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon If a co-worker asks how your long weekend was, respond with a clever retort like "not long enough" or "MAAAAAN I MISSED YOUR SMELL"
←Rate | 09-11-2014 05:26 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife just nominated me for the "would it kill you to refill the ice trays every once in a while" challenge?
←Rate | 09-06-2014 07:15 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I drove a UPS truck there's a 100% chance I would fall out of the truck when I turned corners
←Rate | 09-01-2014 06:42 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Punk's not dead. Punk is resting its eyes. Punk works hard all week. Just please, go play quietly and let punk sleep.
←Rate | 08-24-2014 06:10 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon sometimes I wonder if I'm being selfish using my voice to just sing in the car instead of saving the music industry
←Rate | 08-06-2014 17:03 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Does anyone else ever hear their alarm go off in the morning and immediately start rationalizing quitting your job?
←Rate | 08-06-2014 04:31 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon facebook has allowed me to bring my "he's a distraction to the rest of the class" from school to a global scale
←Rate | 08-01-2014 19:49 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Someone hacked my online bank account and now I have to change my dog's name.
←Rate | 07-29-2014 18:36 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Next time you hear a stranger give out their number text them details of what they're wearing. It's so much fun to watch them freak out
←Rate | 07-21-2014 14:46 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Before social networking you could just completely forget someone existed. And it was great
←Rate | 07-18-2014 03:33 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I got you something better than a present. I wrote "happy birthday dude" on your Facebook when a robot reminded me it was your birthday.
←Rate | 07-17-2014 13:49 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon When one door closes another one opens... if that were true, imagine trying to get in the car. It would be like an episode of Mr Bean.
←Rate | 07-12-2014 20:50 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's always awkward the first time you hold hands with someone because they usually want to know who you are and why you just grabbed them.
←Rate | 07-11-2014 05:17 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think there should be something in science called "the reindeer effect". I don't know what it would be, but it would be cool to hear someone say "Gentleman what we have here is a terrifying example of the reindeer effect"
←Rate | 07-08-2014 05:40 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do you ever start writing a status and halfway through you’re just like “nah”
←Rate | 06-13-2014 05:36 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon How are poor people so good at finding money for tattoos?
←Rate | 06-03-2014 19:51 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon The worst thing about parallel parking are witnesses.
←Rate | 05-21-2014 05:16 by flinnie Comments (0)  



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